How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{July 4, 2010}   What now?

Ok. I had made the decision to abstain for any form of sexual conduct. So, what was I suppose to do now?????? Fall into a depression and stay in bed? Redirect my “sexual” energy to other sources? Well, Let’s just say, after a short bout of depression, I began to look into myself and started seeing glimpses of the “real” me. As I began to examine this newfound knowledge, I began to feel better. I got out of bed, cleaned myself up, cleaned my house, and let me just say, the past (almost) 3 years since my vow, my house has never been cleaner, my clothes have never been cleaner and my gym membership has never been used as much has it has since the “no sex vow” !

But somehow, it all felt right. I was redefining myself. Becoming my own person, not just a wife and mother as I had felt was my place in this world during my marriage.

I also went back to school after being out of high school for 17 years. I had always wanted to be a Forensic Scientist. I am over 2 years into obtaining by degree and loving every minute of it!

It is an awesome feeling knowing that you have a voice, an opinion, a view and feel confident enough to express them without feeling you will be looked down on or someone will make you feel dumb because your self esteem had dropped so low.

So even though I had chosen to give up something I THOUGHT I needed, it turned out, giving up the attention I so desperately sought, was exactly what I needed!

The loss of seeking affection from men is minimal compared to what I am learning about myself and without making this vow, I truly believe I would not have begun to heal from all the pain of the past.

Til next time…..Peace

A.J.

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Amy Crowder says:

So true!!!! Girl, I had no idea you were going through all this….. I feel bad for dumping all my shit in your lap all the time…..while you never really expressed how much you were going through….. I just got my house organized with a dining room table, clothes dryer (only had a washer) and a bed for each of us to sleep in (Chris had been on the couch for the past year and Marissa and I in a twin bed)all from my Nana’s estate. She passed in May 2010. It feels GREAT!! In a way I am doing the same thing you are doing but I am not single…. I told Chris I was making a lot of changes about me, mostly going back to who I used to be when we met and he could come along and make some changes too or he can stay behind. I told him I’d like him to come but I can’t wait any longer. I want more and better and its time to get busy working on it.
Sounds like I need to write a blog LMAO, but I couldn’t stand friends and family knowing all this I am going thru….. Kudos to you. -Amy



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