How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{July 18, 2010}   Losing an entire family, all at once

My marriage was filled with its ups and downs like every other typical marriage. Even so, we were the couple that our friends always thought were made for each other. Every one of our friends was shocked at the break up. However, we were always great friends….even when we didn’t like each other at that particular time. We both knew we could confide in each other about anything, and did. The horrors I had to live through during my childhood and some issues during his childhood. The things that were never before spoken aloud, we talked about. Things that, I thought at the time, would make him not love me. But it was just the opposite. He understood why I was always so guarded, why I tended to push people out of my life and he knew I would eventually try (again) to push him out of my life. I just never realized there would be a time that he would let me push him out of my life. I never truly wanted end our marriage.  Still, when he walked out the door, I felt depressed, lost, angry, helpless and most importantly, I felt betrayed.  He wasn’t just my husband, he was my best friend. I had people to talk to of course, but not like him. He was the one I turned to for everything.  What would I do now? He said he would still be there to help if I needed it, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t bring myself to ask for his help. I mean, he walked out and left the marriage not me, right? Yes, I realize now, that was childish. But he acted like we had never been married. He actually turned into someone I didn’t know, not even a hint of the person I knew. Eventually, things got worse between us. Then, it slowly started to get better between us. We were able to be around each other longer and longer without one of us starting a fight, or saying something that would ensure a fight would follow. Now, over three years later, I do consider him a friend among other things. I don’t know if I would turn to him for something serious, but being able to be friends right now is enough.

While I was trying to come to terms with the fact that my best friend was no longer a friend at all, I had to deal with something equally upsetting. I had to come to terms with the that of my extended family’s reaction. That day, I lost a husband, best friend, mother-in-law, father-in-law, a sister-in-law and three brother-in-laws not to mention their wives, and children. Only two of my nieces on his side even speak to me. I love them dearly, just for that alone. I mean, I saw all these children grow up and most of them, I have known since birth. I told my mother-in-law once “I feel like I have lost a mother and an entire family”. She told me my father-in-law told her to “stay out of it”. I guess that means completely, zilch, no speaking to me at all. That is how I lost an entire family as soon as my husband (we’ll call him Guy) walked out the door. I still miss that family terribly but I have learned their decision was not my fault and therefore I could do nothing to fix it. I could still love them, just not be a part of their family….

Til next time……..PEACE

A.J.

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