How I Ended Up This Way's Blog

{December 15, 2010}   Why?

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why I have suffered so? He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You just were not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bare to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace


{November 30, 2010}   Confessions

Hello everyone!

What should I blog about this morning? The beauty that is the Fall season? The debate over global warming? What? No? You have been waiting on something else? Oh yes, I promised you something today, didn’t I? The launch date of my new website!

The website is going great. The tentative launch date if this Friday!!! All is on schedule, so . . .  cross your fingers, knock on wood, or say 3 hail Mary’s . . . whatever you do to stop a jinx!

The first thing I am putting into motion, is for a book to be launched at a later date, as it involves other’s input. You may have already heard. I am writing a book called “Confessions to AJ”.

That’s right. You can confess anything you want, no matter how little or how big, and you can be in the book.

Now, I assure you, on my reputation as a writer and more importantly, as a person  of integrity, you will remain anonymous. As a matter of fact, I will even put my own confession in the book!

To get involved, you may request to be my friend on Twitter at “Confessions2AJ”. I will then befriend you and you may DM me anything you like.  No names or other info will be released with the book, or anyplace else for that matter. While you are in Twitter, send me a follow on my personal twitter page, asjbraves.

You may also send me an unsigned postcard, letter, or to note to the website’s mailing address: A.J.Carroll PO Box 462, Callahan, FL 32011.

If this whole process makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s ok. You don’t have to participate. But, I’m hoping you will J

Until next time……Peace


{November 2, 2010}   Seriously, A Tough Guy?

Hello everyone, welcome back!

First, I want to apologize for missing Friday’s and yesterday’s post. I have been a bit under the weather. 

I’m going to address a serious issue that has been around since the late 80’s. It has been both baffling and humoring. It’s a little bit embarrassing to those of us that have witnessed it over and over, yet we continue to watch. It has always bothered me.

I’ll just come right out with it. BUT first let me say, I have nothing against this man (in case he’s reading this). As a matter of fact, I’ll speak directly to you; you’re pretty cool in my book. You’re one of the best action players in the movies. I mean, you are one tough dude. I just wanted to get that out there, you know..….just in case. Now, you may have to go to and look for Steven Seagal, pick any of his movies and watch him for a minute to fully appreciate what I’m about to say.

Ok, what bothers me so much it drives me insane? Well, Steven Seagal runs like a girl. There I said it. And I mean it. You know you’ve seen it in every movie he has starred in. Elbows tucked in and hands so loose they wave up, down and sideways but only from the wrist. That’s all that moves, his hands! Just like a girl. No offense to girls, mind you. I’m a girl. I’m a jock. And even I don’t run as much like a girl than Steven does. I mean, he really runs like a girl. Now he may run like a girl, but he runs fast and he can kick your behind with two jabs, so I would not advise you to walk up to him, tell him he runs like a girl and think you can out run him. You can’t. I can’t. In fact, don’t even look at his hands if you ever meet him. Stay on the safe side and don’t even look in the direction of his hands….trust me on this.

Some of the younger crowd reading this, may know him from his newest adventure Steven Seagal Lawman on A&E Television (he has been a deputy for 20 years) however, Steven made a huge entrance into the action adventure movies during the late 1980’s. Everything about him, drew us to him, men and women alike. Men liked how tough his was and women loved …. well how tough he was along with his long hair pulled back, the street talk, the long black coats, and his master level martial arts. He had most of us hooked with his first movie Above The Law along side Sharon Stone. He was both scary and sexy at the same time, the ultimate bad boy. And we all know how I love my bad boys!

He could kick the mess out of a man twice his size, being a large man himself, that alone said quite a bit. The difference with Seagal and other action screen kick ass actors, is that Seagal actually COULD do the martial arts he showed in his movies. He holds the highest honors in quite a few different types of martial arts. He began his training at age 7, and it is rumored at one time, his hands were actually registered as lethal weapons with the government. He studied under the best and greatest masters of the arts during his life from age 7 well into adulthood.

He also processed such charisma, we continued to watch his movies even though each one was basically the same movie, different locations. Admit it his movies were almost all the same.

However, in each one of his movies, my eyes would be more and more drawn to his hands as he was in pursuit of the “bad guy” I simply could not take my attention away from his …… girly hands! Or his girly run, I should say. Once I noticed this, I simply could not watch his movies and see the same sexy and powerful man I once saw. All I could see is those hands, flapping around like they were waiting for their nails to dry.

It’s not the same when you are sitting there laughing at one of the roughest guys in the world simply because he runs like a little school girl.

Til next time……Peace


{October 10, 2010}   Happy Birthday Tim

Hello everyone! Welcome.

I am posting this Sunday night, so the actual date is a little off. Just imagine, as I intended, the posting date is Monday 10/11/2010.

Today is my brother’s birthday. I told you about him. Tim was my best friend growing up. As a matter of fact, when we both became adults and I got married, we lived next door to each other. My husband became his best friend as well.

It was the three of us. Well, the four of us when he was with his girlfriend. But no matter what, Tim, Guy and I always hung out together. It was a daily routine for one of us to call the other and say “what are you fixing for dinner?”. Whoever was fixing what sounded like the better dinner, that’s where we all ate. It was a great time in my life. I am so blessed to have this memory of him, of us.

When my brother died in 1991, needless to say, my world changed. But I do not want to dwell on the tragedy of his death. Instead, I want to celebrate his life. We had him for 26 years. We have 26 years of memories, good and bad.

When I think of all the good memories, there is one that sticks in my mind and always has. It may sound silly to you, but it’s one of those “you had to be there” things. See, when my brother drank, when he was into his third beer or so, he would get on this kick about …..HESS gas. Of all things to talk about, he would always fall back into his typical rant about the benefits of Hess gas.

It is so funny to me now, actually it was funny then as well! Tim would get “in his cups” and spout the superiority of Hess gas. I’d like to share his drunken view on this subject, if you’ll allow me a moment of reminiscing.

        Tim:  “I don’t care what anyone says, there ain’t nothing wrong with Hess gas. They

                     may add detergents in it; but they ain’t nothing wrong with Hess gas. It’s cheaper

                     but it’s just as good as any other and better because it’s cheaper. Nothing wrong

                    with Hess gas.” This would go on for hours.

He said this with a grin that went from ear to ear and in such a happy mood. With all the years of depression he battled, these moments were rare at times.

I know it sounds dumb and well, just plain crazy…..but this is one of the most endearing memories of him that sticks with me. He was sooo proud of that “Hess gas”!

So, Tim….I will remember the benefits of Hess gas, today on your day, and enjoy a laugh as I know you would be still doing if you were with us.

Until next time….PEACE


{July 5, 2010}   RIP Tim 7/4/1991

Just wanted to say a prayer and a mention of my brother Tim who died on July 4, 1991.

Tim, my brother, my best friend, the one that always had “my back”. I love you so much and miss you every day. I wish you had lived long enough to meet my children, for them to know what a wonderful loving uncle they had. I tell them stories of our childhood. I tell your daughter stories of the child and the man you were. She is 22 now and has blessed us with YOUR grandchild!

So although you are no longer with us, you remain a part of our lives everyday. Through our stories, through your child and now, through your grandchild. You will forever live in our hearts.


et cetera