How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562

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{January 8, 2013}   Ode To Aunt Sue

Hey everyone . . . welcome.

It’s been a rough beginning of the year for me. We buried a dear soul Saturday; my Aunt Sue.  It’s been FREAKIN tough … no, it’s PLUMB HARD writing this blog.

See, anytime I was stuck on a blog, I’d call my aunt Sue. For some very ODD reason (uh, Teddy… imagine THAT!) my auntie could talk me out of any crisis . . . she had that soothing voice.  Whether it was my brother’s death (Tim), my cousin’s death (her son, Alva), another cousin’s (Alan) death or a minor crisis like writer’s block, Sue had the magic touch for me.

Yet, each time I sat down to write this blog about her, I’d end up bawling. Then I’d get frustrated, then I’d reach for the phone to call my auntie so she could use her “magic voice” and calm me, so I could focus . . . Then, I would remember. She’s not here anymore.

My aunt went home to the Lord on December 27, 2012. She lost her battle with liver cancer. Through tears, I am somehow writing this.

I can still remember her and her old blue Chevy. It was a 1980, I think.  I was around eleven or so when we all hopped in the back to go to the creek. It was me, my brothers and Sue’s two sons — James and Alva.  Sue was driving on a back road in hillbilly Arkansas, (I can say that because I LIVED there!) and she took a curve too fast just as her tire inched off the road onto the loose gravel. My little cousin, Alva, who was about seven or so, went flying over the side LITERALY. He would have died that day, if it weren’t for my brother Tim who had managed to grab him right in mid air.

But what do I remember most about that day? It was how shaken Sue was.  You have to remember, I was only eleven or so at the time. I didn’t have kids, didn’t appreciate the whole “life and death” thing because up until that point in my life, I’d never lost anyone close to me.

Us kids, we were all like “that was COOL!!! DUDE!!! YOU SEE THAT?!!!” God Bless the innocent ones. But Sue was FREAKIN freaked the hell out!!! Yes, I realize I used two “freakin” variations in a row, BUT it calls for it!  Well, now that I am a parent, I get it.

We all look back at that day and smile with appreciative love. That single event, affected me in many ways. At the time, of course we thought it was awesome. As I got older, it was not only awesome it was filled with amazement at exactly how things happened the way they did. It all happened in a mere fraction of a second and could have gone either way. As I had children, the fear of just exactly how close not only Alva was to being seriously injured, but we all could have gone over the side that day. Sue could have lost complete control and flipped the old blue. Now, as a much older version of the young girl in the back of that truck, I still feel every inch of awesomeness, amazement, fear and even enjoyment. We didn’t realize it at the time, but Tim didn’t save Alva. God saved Alva, through Tim. Just like God blessed me with my aunt Sue.  Therein, lays the joy.

Aunt Sue had many struggles and strange occurrences in her young life, yet she always stayed strong. I can hear her voice even now giving me advice.

                 Me : “Aunt Sue, how did you manage to raise James and Alva after Big

                            Alva was killed? I don’t understand how you can manage to live without

                            him.”

                 Sue :  “I don’t know, honey. You just do it.” 

I have always loved this photo of me and my aunt taken February 1971. So, now my beloved blog followers, I am sharing this photo of us with you. Aunt Sue, you are gone but never, EVER forgotten!

 

Sue 1

    August 5, 1953 – December 27, 2012

May we all learn to slow down as we are going through life’s back roads and not take the curves too fast. Just feel every emotion God gives you. You never know, what feels badly today may bring you much appreciation later.

Now, I think I’ll play some Charlie Daniels in my aunt’s honor. Then, maybe I’ll play some Hinsons.  Ya’ll be good, ya hear?

Ya’ll, let’s say we kick some CANCER butt?? Whadda ya say??

Til next time  . . . peace

AJ



{December 15, 2010}   Why?

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why I have suffered so? He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You just were not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bare to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



et cetera