How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562

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{December 15, 2010}   Why?

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why I have suffered so? He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You just were not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bare to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{November 10, 2010}   My Sincerest Thanks

 

 

Hi everyone! Welcome!

It has been a very stressful and long day! However, I knew I could not skip on this blog! You guys are the greatest! Just like this little boy in the above picture, you guys always pull through for me.

Yesterday’s post was very emotional. It was so hard to face and actually tell you guys the most intimate details of my emotional well being at the time. Telling you was not the hardest part. Facing it was the hardest part.

You guys have, in the past, given me so much support and comfort, I knew I would have no trouble sharing the crazy feelings with you. If I could only get the words out on to paper, I knew I would make it. I did and you guys filled my heart with the comfort and love that makes me keep going. That’s what makes me continue to write on this path of rediscovery and share every emotional, corny, weird, random and well, frankly sometimes warped thoughts that flow through my brain. And for that, my friends, my family, I am forever grateful.

Not one of my readers do I appreciate more than the rest. Many of you retweet my blog each and everytime I Post it, usually announcing it twice a day. So, a special thanks goes out to you!

I would like thank my friend Leann Rimes for not only being a wonderful and supportive friend, but also for taking the time out of her crazy crazy schedule while she’s hitting Nashville with her new CD release, to retweet and ask her some 85,000 followers to read her friend’s blog. Yes, this blog is about me, however, it’s also about every other woman/man that have had these feelings. And if I can make that one person laugh as you all make me laugh, I am so honored to do so. So thank you Leann for opening up such a huge opportunity for my words to reach so many people, some who may need a life line to hand on to however, they are feeling completely alone and lost among 85,ooo people. Thank you for your beauiful heart!

I love you all!

Oh, one more thing, if your see this guy, send him my way, will ya?

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{October 10, 2010}   Happy Birthday Tim

Hello everyone! Welcome.

I am posting this Sunday night, so the actual date is a little off. Just imagine, as I intended, the posting date is Monday 10/11/2010.

Today is my brother’s birthday. I told you about him. Tim was my best friend growing up. As a matter of fact, when we both became adults and I got married, we lived next door to each other. My husband became his best friend as well.

It was the three of us. Well, the four of us when he was with his girlfriend. But no matter what, Tim, Guy and I always hung out together. It was a daily routine for one of us to call the other and say “what are you fixing for dinner?”. Whoever was fixing what sounded like the better dinner, that’s where we all ate. It was a great time in my life. I am so blessed to have this memory of him, of us.

When my brother died in 1991, needless to say, my world changed. But I do not want to dwell on the tragedy of his death. Instead, I want to celebrate his life. We had him for 26 years. We have 26 years of memories, good and bad.

When I think of all the good memories, there is one that sticks in my mind and always has. It may sound silly to you, but it’s one of those “you had to be there” things. See, when my brother drank, when he was into his third beer or so, he would get on this kick about …..HESS gas. Of all things to talk about, he would always fall back into his typical rant about the benefits of Hess gas.

It is so funny to me now, actually it was funny then as well! Tim would get “in his cups” and spout the superiority of Hess gas. I’d like to share his drunken view on this subject, if you’ll allow me a moment of reminiscing.

        Tim:  “I don’t care what anyone says, there ain’t nothing wrong with Hess gas. They

                     may add detergents in it; but they ain’t nothing wrong with Hess gas. It’s cheaper

                     but it’s just as good as any other and better because it’s cheaper. Nothing wrong

                    with Hess gas.” This would go on for hours.

He said this with a grin that went from ear to ear and in such a happy mood. With all the years of depression he battled, these moments were rare at times.

I know it sounds dumb and well, just plain crazy…..but this is one of the most endearing memories of him that sticks with me. He was sooo proud of that “Hess gas”!

So, Tim….I will remember the benefits of Hess gas, today on your day, and enjoy a laugh as I know you would be still doing if you were with us.

Until next time….PEACE

AJ



{October 4, 2010}   My 15 Minutes of Fame

Hi everyone! Welcome….Come in, have a seat! My week was incredibly awesome! You know when you just have a great week? Nothing extraordinary happened, it was just a great week. Don’t you just love those days?

One unusual thing did happen though. I have been a Days of Our Lives fan for almost 30 years. Yep, since I was about 11 years old. Back when Marlana was fighting her increasing feelings for Roman….the first go round. So when my smart phone emailed me to tell me I had a new twitter follower, I knew the name right away. After all, his storyline has had him playing the villain, the good guy fighting not to be like his devilish (the one we love to hate) father and the tortured soul that earned him the love and respect of Days fans worldwide. And of course, those of us with a romantic soul couldn’t help but fall in love with his character as he was falling in love with the one and only love of his life, Anna.

That’s right folks, Thaao Penghlis also known by his Days’ character, Tony (and at one time, Tony’s EVIL cousin, Andre….but we’ll save that for another time).

As I looked at my phone and did a double take to confirm it was indeed Thaao’s name, I became so excited!! I’ve always loved his character and Thaao’s acting as well. And HE chose to follow ME! Wow. I have a few celebrities that follow my twitter and blog, so I just figured maybe he just saw me on one of the Days twitter pages, thought I was someone else and added me. Maybe he had heard about my blog from the couple of actors that read it regularly. I really didn’t care the how or why, he was following me! And I loved it!

Within a few minutes, I went straight to my computer to verify what I actually was reading on my phone. I was still shocked that the man I had admired and the heart of the “DiMera” family would pick me to follow! Seriously guys, I have really liked Thaao since I was just a kid. I hadn’t asked him to follow me, in fact, I didn’t even know he was on twitter.

Alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got on my laptop, he was no longer following me. So apparently he didn’t know about my blog (shucks). Or, he found out quickly, that I was not someone he knew. I was indeed disappointed. Thaao dumped me. I was being dumped by a twitter celebrity, a long time favorite of mine twitter celebrity.

That was the end of my, well, lets say five minutes, of fame. However, I have to say how cool it was, that for just a few minutes someone I felt like I grew up knowing, noticed me! Well, ok, maybe he didn’t notice me. But he did follow me……for about five minutes! And that is good enough for me

Until next time….Peace

AJ



et cetera