How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{October 14, 2014}   The Next Chapter

Hi everyone! Thank you for visiting my blog. My name is AJ. I originally began writing this blog in an attempt to work through some personal issues deriving from my divorce some five years prior. Not only did this blog provide a safe place for me to put words to the feelings I was dealing with, I believe this blog sometimes served as a life boat for me. When I felt helpless, hurt, angry, alone, confused and exhausted, I would turn to my blog and just write letting it all out. I immediately felt better emotionally, but I also felt mentally centered, if that makes sense.

It was also my hope, I would be able to reach out to those who may be feeling some of the same feelings I was dealing with. If I could help just one person know she/he was not alone . . . as I often felt, I knew it would be worth opening myself up this way. By the way, opening up, being so exposed, is not easy for me.

I wanted to find when and where I lost the woman I once was. The woman I loved. The one I had self confidence in. The woman I was before the end of my husband of 20 years walked out on me and our three kids deciding he “no longer wanted to be married”. I wanted to find the woman I knew was still somewhere deep inside of the woman I had become. I’m not proud of that woman. She was bitter, in so much pain, each day was a struggle, and she had given up on love completely. Hence the name of this blog. How I Ended Up This Way. It didn’t happen overnight and wouldn’t be fixed overnight. However, I knew it was within me to dig deep and rediscover the woman who believed in love and saw the world as a place to enjoy and experience life instead of something I would have to endure day after day.

As it turned out, from the very first blog post… I received so many stories from my readers saying “I’m in tears… this could have been written about me” or “I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I truly felt alone in the world”. Hearing these words, my pain fell to the wayside. I had a new mission. It was to do whatever I could, using my experiences, to reach out to help these lovely people not feel so alone.

Once my mission became clear, I was like falling back into my old self. By telling my story and some wacky stories along the way, I found the woman I had been searching for all along. To my readers and those who shared your stories via comments … I am so grateful to you.

As I make my way through the next chapter of my life, I hope you will continue to read my blogs and take this journey with me wherever it may lead me. We’ll share some laughs, maybe a few tears, but definitely encouragement that you are not alone in this!

Be sure to follow my facebook facebook.com/writerajcarroll (and like my Author page for updates on my novel Rightfully Mine)

And twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/WriterAJCarroll

Until next time…
AJ

Advertisements


{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562



Hello everyone! Welcome.

Aren’t Mondays supposed to suck? I mean, we all moan and groan when Monday morning get here. We get all geared up in anticipation of starting a new week. A new week of commuting to work or if you work from home, we gear up and get into our “work mode”. Another week of, for most of us, dealing with idiots, at least that’s what I hear!

Something must be very wrong with me today. Because, I had forgotten it was even Monday! Of course, I do have a really really good reason to forget what day it is. I scarcely remember what month it is. It’s still March, right?

So, my twitter family, most of them anyway, has already heard I received a top mention on my “I Am One” blog. With that, I earned a little money. Not a bad deal, huh? Well, things just keep getting better and I want to share it all with you, every step of the way.

I know I’ve told you this before, but for the new followers please be patient. When I started the blog, it was for the purpose of helping others as well as personal healing. I started out blogging of the end of my marriage, the pain that came with and how I pulled myself back together. I just wanted to bring to light we are not alone during these times, because I had felt so alone. Soon my blog turned towards my random thoughts, like arm pit hair, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air reunion, my cousin’s adventure on COPS, oh and who can forget the drunken clown? I know I have been unable to wash that memory from my brain, and I have tried!

With each blog came reinforcement of my validity. It has always been my intent to write a book, actually many books, and I have begun Confessions2AJ. I am about half way through in case you’re wondering, but I need more confessions! So send them on http://www.AJDaily.com .

I have some wonderful and amazing news to share with you today. Last night, completely out of the blue, I retained a manager! That’s right, I’m big time now, baby! All joking aside, I am floored still. I am not sure how well I will be able to hand over part of my life, well . . . control of this part of my life, but I know I will soon learn and be happier for it. We have, well I need to give her her due, she has some amazing ideas upcoming  for all of us!

Thank you all for joining and sticking with me on the crazy ride! I promise, when I meet Ed Burns for talks of a film– because, you know I will – I’ll remember how I got there.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{March 9, 2011}   Mini Me Part II

Hello everyone! This past week, I put a lot of work into my upcoming book “Confessions 2 AJ”. As I was working through the background graphics, I ran across something I thought would be fun to share with you.

I recently wrote a blog about my very own “mini-me” 14 year old daughter. I tried to paint an accurate and very clear picture to show just how much she was like me. From her athletic ability to her looks and right down to her writing. When I read this piece, I thought, “Now this, pure irony”. It’s almost as though I wrote the following words myself.

I would like to share this particular piece of work written by my daughter to her readers. It is an author’s note which appears before chapter eleven of her book. You read right, chapter eleven. She’s already running circles and leaving dust around me!

I have to say however, I am so very humbled with the how she reaches out to her readers to describe “Confessions”. I guess you could say she’s pimpin’ for confessions for me! The pride in her as she tells her reader’s about the book overwhelms me.

Isn’t it wonderful when your children do something so special without your input? All because she is proud; I am very blessed.

I hope you enjoy the view on “Confessions”  as seen through the eyes of a 14 year old. I would love to hear your feedback on her writing style. As I said, it’s right up my ally!

. . . I have a few confessions to make. A lot of people think they’re gross–weird–even quirky. Other than being a total perfectionist in grammar, I have the habit of drinking ketchup–out of the packet and straight out of the bottle! I just like ketchup, okay?

So…been a long month…I haven’t posted in a while…please don’t kill me. Anyway, my mother is an author, and she’s writing a book called, “Confessions to A.J.” Yeah, I know I may be boring you with this, I’m not usually serious, but just bear with me, and it’s pretty useful. Basically, what it is, is a bunch of confessions—about anything at all—sent in to my mother, and she puts them together in a book. Like, “I cheated on by boyfriend!” or “I have excessive nipple hair!” (That one was a little disturbing…) But anyway, you can submit (through a review or message, if you don’t want others to know) any secret you may have, and it’s totally confidential. No names will be mentioned, and it’s actually pretty cool. They are all anonymous and you won’t have to live with that nagging in the back of your mind telling you to do bad things like streak naked in Wal-Mart and trash the garden department. Oh…that’s just me…never mind…

 She has a website its: Ajdaily.com and her email is Aj@Ajdaily.com (De ja vu?) She actually writes a lot like me. In the whole warped-demented—must be a demon from the depths of hell—kind of way. Her writing is so much like mine, that’s it’s getting to be insanely creepy now. I mean, I could deal with the whole looking similar thing, but this is just too far! It’s like she’s constantly reading my mind and writing down my craziest thoughts. You ever feel that way?

You ever feel like the cookie monster on a mad, psychotic, axe murdering rampage? Oh, guess that’s just me again. Anyway, if you have like a confession—any secret (I drink ketchup, shh!)—just leave it in a review, or message me. It can be a funny one, a made-up one, anything. And in the next chapter, I just might let you in on a few of my confessions.

Chapter eleven! Or maybe it’s technically ten because of my author’s note…oh well! Screw my calculations! Enjoy !

 

You have to love a kid this messed up! Now if you’ll excuse me, I should go wipe the tears of joy away before they get here with the straight jackets. Did I tell you? We’re getting matching jackets!

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



 

Hello Everyone. Welcome!

I am sure, if you are a regular reader of my blog, that you knew this blog was due. You probably have wondered whether or not, this is would be the holiday I would not blog about feeling that ping of guilt at having to “share” my children. Well, I’m sad to say, this is not that holiday!

As Christmas is creeping up on us, I am doing basically the same things I have done each and every year. Buying gifts, wrapping both mine and my mother’s gifts for the children as well as anyone else she may have bought a gift for. I have wrapped the gifts for my mom since I was about thirteen years old, including my own. That’s the “thing” I do every year with my mom. Dad, I’m sorry to have to break that bit of information to you this way.

My dad, well, that’s where I get my love for cheesy Christmas movies. Each year, I have to watch all the same Christmas movies the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime Channel continue to show. That is the one thing my dad and I have shared ever since I can remember. It is also the one thing that we love to drive the rest of the house nuts with! And yes, we do watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” each Christmas Eve and end our merriment by watching “A Christmas Story”. How can you not watch “A Christmas Story” when it’s played for a full 24 hours every Christmas Day?

I continue to do all these things and I continue to enjoy them. Yet, this is the third year in which I have had to spend part of the holiday without my children. It’s as if a part of me, has . . . vanished, during the time they are not here celebrating with me, and I just feel as if I’m always a finger tip short of grasping what I am missing. Does that make sense?

Yes, I know divorce happens to many people. Yes, I know people learn to deal with split custody. And yes, I know people do not have children anticipating that, one day, splitting holidays will become normal. I also know, even though my ex takes the children to his mom’s for their Christmas celebration, even though I include him in our Christmas Day celebration every year so that the kids will have us both, one day, this to shall end. One day, this little bit of “family semi-normalcy” we share on Christmas morning will come to an end.

Until that time, I will take comfort in the words spoken by a man I have come to truly admire and strive to take his words to heart.

 

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message,

that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is

they should be part of our daily lives.”         Dalai Lama

 

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



et cetera