How I Ended Up This Way's Blog

{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace



{July 8, 2011}   Swingin’ By

I am not a very emotional person. By emotional, I mean the “lovey-dovey, strawberries and cream” kind of emotion, although I do have my moments. Yet, sometimes I am faced with words I must put to paper. Almost as if the words are slapping me saying “I will win, so you might as well get up and write this story so you can get some sleep.” Yea, sounds like tons of fun, doesn’t it?

So here goes. I literately dreamed this poem. Although, in the dream it was a song, I was surrounded by cowboys that looked like Brett Michaels and Vince Neil . . . (yes,Marina. . . I know, the hair), all on horseback, doing a reality TV show about “real cowboys”. Seriously. And let me tell you, if you think having a song stuck in your head is bad, try having a song that doesn’t exist stuck in your head. Now that, my friends, is a pain in the ass.                                  

Now that I have left you with the image of Motley Crue’s lead singer on horseback, did I mention the cowboy hats? OH, and “Cowboy Troy” was there as well . . . the only black cowboy I know. Here is the result of my mind’s never ending imagination. It doesn’t always make sense, but at least there are hot guys, huh?


                                                         A friend comes when called.

                                                 A better friend calls to see how you are.

                                       But the greatest of friends, aww . . the greatest of friends

                                                       Swing by – just in case.


Thank you all for swingin’ by.

Until Next Time . . . PEACE


{January 10, 2011}   The Day Cops Changed My Life

Hello everyone . . . welcome!

Have you ever watched the show “Cops?” It’s been on for more than 20 years, so chances are you have. Do you wonder the same thing I do? What exactly do these people think when they see the episode in which they have been arrested drunk, high or whatever the case is? You know the drunks act off the charts. And the ones possessing drugs all think they are so smooth and smarter than the cops. Am I right?

A few years ago, I was watching an episode of “Cops”. The intro song begins to play; the opening images are flashing while the song is playing “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do”. All of a sudden, a quick flash of a young girl catches my attention. She was very cute except for the black circles around her eyes from the obvious years of drug use. She couldn’t have been more than 17 years old. All I could think was . . . what a waste. Such a pretty girl and she is ruining her life with drugs. Something about her captured my soul and left me feeling sad for her. The reaction I felt for this girl, was completely out of my character.

It just so happened, that very episode was airing that night. So I learned a little more about the girl. The female officer had stopped her and another girl, who was the driver. Why? Because she saw the pretty girl, I just told you about, riding in the passenger seat. Not good. She talked to the driver. “How long have you known Rachael?” Rachael? Hummmm. She knew the girl by name. One more strike against Rachael. She told the cop “just about a week.” Cop: “you need to stay away from her. She is nothing but trouble.” Nice.

The driver is let go with another warning to say away from this Rachael unless she, too, wanted to end up in jail.

As the cop questions Rachael, every other word out of Rachael’s mouth was “I’m not gonna lie to you.” Yeah, right. No, she wasn’t going to a known crack house which was right up the corner. No, she wasn’t prostituting that night. No, she had no drugs on her. Oh, and “I’m not gonna lie to you.” The cop cuffed her and put her in the back seat for the time being. Evidently, she knew something was not right.

This is where Rachael shows just how much of a genius she truly is. Envision this: the crew of “Cops” is all there filming and there are two cops on the scene. Rachael then has a brilliant idea. She reaches in her thong – I know it’s a thong because as she was being searched her pants had slipped – and grabs her stash of pot and throws it on the back floor board of the cop car. Yes, a real genus, this girl. Yet, throughout all her stupidity, something about her drew my attention and it was as if I couldn’t look away.

The episode is over. She would continue to pop in to my mind over the next few days.

About 3 days later, I’m speaking with my mom. She tells me, “Guess what. I called Aunt Mae. Guess who was      on . . .“ I interrupted, “OMG, it’s Robin’s daughter!” Mom confirmed. I told her I knew exactly which one it was. You guessed it, Rachael. More specifically, this is Rachael my 2nd cousin. I had not seen Rachael since she was 2 years old. Yet, I was just so drawn to this girl.

Yep, I have a family member on the opening episode of “Cops”. How many people can claim that “claim to fame”? Or maybe I should say “claim of shame”. OH, well.

PS. If you find yourself in my position, you might not want to lay claim to knowing your kin on the opening episode of cops. Just saying.

Until next time . . . Peace


{November 30, 2010}   Confessions

Hello everyone!

What should I blog about this morning? The beauty that is the Fall season? The debate over global warming? What? No? You have been waiting on something else? Oh yes, I promised you something today, didn’t I? The launch date of my new website!

The website is going great. The tentative launch date if this Friday!!! All is on schedule, so . . .  cross your fingers, knock on wood, or say 3 hail Mary’s . . . whatever you do to stop a jinx!

The first thing I am putting into motion, is for a book to be launched at a later date, as it involves other’s input. You may have already heard. I am writing a book called “Confessions to AJ”.

That’s right. You can confess anything you want, no matter how little or how big, and you can be in the book.

Now, I assure you, on my reputation as a writer and more importantly, as a person  of integrity, you will remain anonymous. As a matter of fact, I will even put my own confession in the book!

To get involved, you may request to be my friend on Twitter at “Confessions2AJ”. I will then befriend you and you may DM me anything you like.  No names or other info will be released with the book, or anyplace else for that matter. While you are in Twitter, send me a follow on my personal twitter page, asjbraves.

You may also send me an unsigned postcard, letter, or to note to the website’s mailing address: A.J.Carroll PO Box 462, Callahan, FL 32011.

If this whole process makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s ok. You don’t have to participate. But, I’m hoping you will J

Until next time……Peace


{November 10, 2010}   My Sincerest Thanks



Hi everyone! Welcome!

It has been a very stressful and long day! However, I knew I could not skip on this blog! You guys are the greatest! Just like this little boy in the above picture, you guys always pull through for me.

Yesterday’s post was very emotional. It was so hard to face and actually tell you guys the most intimate details of my emotional well being at the time. Telling you was not the hardest part. Facing it was the hardest part.

You guys have, in the past, given me so much support and comfort, I knew I would have no trouble sharing the crazy feelings with you. If I could only get the words out on to paper, I knew I would make it. I did and you guys filled my heart with the comfort and love that makes me keep going. That’s what makes me continue to write on this path of rediscovery and share every emotional, corny, weird, random and well, frankly sometimes warped thoughts that flow through my brain. And for that, my friends, my family, I am forever grateful.

Not one of my readers do I appreciate more than the rest. Many of you retweet my blog each and everytime I Post it, usually announcing it twice a day. So, a special thanks goes out to you!

I would like thank my friend Leann Rimes for not only being a wonderful and supportive friend, but also for taking the time out of her crazy crazy schedule while she’s hitting Nashville with her new CD release, to retweet and ask her some 85,000 followers to read her friend’s blog. Yes, this blog is about me, however, it’s also about every other woman/man that have had these feelings. And if I can make that one person laugh as you all make me laugh, I am so honored to do so. So thank you Leann for opening up such a huge opportunity for my words to reach so many people, some who may need a life line to hand on to however, they are feeling completely alone and lost among 85,ooo people. Thank you for your beauiful heart!

I love you all!

Oh, one more thing, if your see this guy, send him my way, will ya?

Until next time……Peace


et cetera