How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{October 14, 2014}   The Next Chapter

Hi everyone! Thank you for visiting my blog. My name is AJ. I originally began writing this blog in an attempt to work through some personal issues deriving from my divorce some five years prior. Not only did this blog provide a safe place for me to put words to the feelings I was dealing with, I believe this blog sometimes served as a life boat for me. When I felt helpless, hurt, angry, alone, confused and exhausted, I would turn to my blog and just write letting it all out. I immediately felt better emotionally, but I also felt mentally centered, if that makes sense.

It was also my hope, I would be able to reach out to those who may be feeling some of the same feelings I was dealing with. If I could help just one person know she/he was not alone . . . as I often felt, I knew it would be worth opening myself up this way. By the way, opening up, being so exposed, is not easy for me.

I wanted to find when and where I lost the woman I once was. The woman I loved. The one I had self confidence in. The woman I was before the end of my husband of 20 years walked out on me and our three kids deciding he “no longer wanted to be married”. I wanted to find the woman I knew was still somewhere deep inside of the woman I had become. I’m not proud of that woman. She was bitter, in so much pain, each day was a struggle, and she had given up on love completely. Hence the name of this blog. How I Ended Up This Way. It didn’t happen overnight and wouldn’t be fixed overnight. However, I knew it was within me to dig deep and rediscover the woman who believed in love and saw the world as a place to enjoy and experience life instead of something I would have to endure day after day.

As it turned out, from the very first blog post… I received so many stories from my readers saying “I’m in tears… this could have been written about me” or “I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I truly felt alone in the world”. Hearing these words, my pain fell to the wayside. I had a new mission. It was to do whatever I could, using my experiences, to reach out to help these lovely people not feel so alone.

Once my mission became clear, I was like falling back into my old self. By telling my story and some wacky stories along the way, I found the woman I had been searching for all along. To my readers and those who shared your stories via comments … I am so grateful to you.

As I make my way through the next chapter of my life, I hope you will continue to read my blogs and take this journey with me wherever it may lead me. We’ll share some laughs, maybe a few tears, but definitely encouragement that you are not alone in this!

Be sure to follow my facebook facebook.com/writerajcarroll (and like my Author page for updates on my novel Rightfully Mine)

And twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/WriterAJCarroll

Until next time…
AJ



 

Hello Everyone. Welcome!

I am sure, if you are a regular reader of my blog, that you knew this blog was due. You probably have wondered whether or not, this is would be the holiday I would not blog about feeling that ping of guilt at having to “share” my children. Well, I’m sad to say, this is not that holiday!

As Christmas is creeping up on us, I am doing basically the same things I have done each and every year. Buying gifts, wrapping both mine and my mother’s gifts for the children as well as anyone else she may have bought a gift for. I have wrapped the gifts for my mom since I was about thirteen years old, including my own. That’s the “thing” I do every year with my mom. Dad, I’m sorry to have to break that bit of information to you this way.

My dad, well, that’s where I get my love for cheesy Christmas movies. Each year, I have to watch all the same Christmas movies the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime Channel continue to show. That is the one thing my dad and I have shared ever since I can remember. It is also the one thing that we love to drive the rest of the house nuts with! And yes, we do watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” each Christmas Eve and end our merriment by watching “A Christmas Story”. How can you not watch “A Christmas Story” when it’s played for a full 24 hours every Christmas Day?

I continue to do all these things and I continue to enjoy them. Yet, this is the third year in which I have had to spend part of the holiday without my children. It’s as if a part of me, has . . . vanished, during the time they are not here celebrating with me, and I just feel as if I’m always a finger tip short of grasping what I am missing. Does that make sense?

Yes, I know divorce happens to many people. Yes, I know people learn to deal with split custody. And yes, I know people do not have children anticipating that, one day, splitting holidays will become normal. I also know, even though my ex takes the children to his mom’s for their Christmas celebration, even though I include him in our Christmas Day celebration every year so that the kids will have us both, one day, this to shall end. One day, this little bit of “family semi-normalcy” we share on Christmas morning will come to an end.

Until that time, I will take comfort in the words spoken by a man I have come to truly admire and strive to take his words to heart.

 

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message,

that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is

they should be part of our daily lives.”         Dalai Lama

 

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{November 10, 2010}   My Sincerest Thanks

 

 

Hi everyone! Welcome!

It has been a very stressful and long day! However, I knew I could not skip on this blog! You guys are the greatest! Just like this little boy in the above picture, you guys always pull through for me.

Yesterday’s post was very emotional. It was so hard to face and actually tell you guys the most intimate details of my emotional well being at the time. Telling you was not the hardest part. Facing it was the hardest part.

You guys have, in the past, given me so much support and comfort, I knew I would have no trouble sharing the crazy feelings with you. If I could only get the words out on to paper, I knew I would make it. I did and you guys filled my heart with the comfort and love that makes me keep going. That’s what makes me continue to write on this path of rediscovery and share every emotional, corny, weird, random and well, frankly sometimes warped thoughts that flow through my brain. And for that, my friends, my family, I am forever grateful.

Not one of my readers do I appreciate more than the rest. Many of you retweet my blog each and everytime I Post it, usually announcing it twice a day. So, a special thanks goes out to you!

I would like thank my friend Leann Rimes for not only being a wonderful and supportive friend, but also for taking the time out of her crazy crazy schedule while she’s hitting Nashville with her new CD release, to retweet and ask her some 85,000 followers to read her friend’s blog. Yes, this blog is about me, however, it’s also about every other woman/man that have had these feelings. And if I can make that one person laugh as you all make me laugh, I am so honored to do so. So thank you Leann for opening up such a huge opportunity for my words to reach so many people, some who may need a life line to hand on to however, they are feeling completely alone and lost among 85,ooo people. Thank you for your beauiful heart!

I love you all!

Oh, one more thing, if your see this guy, send him my way, will ya?

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{October 12, 2010}   How Long Has It Been?

Hello everyone. Welcome.

When I began this blog, I was hoping by sharing my story, I would be able to somehow reach out to someone that may be experiencing the same things I was and had experienced in the past three and a half years since my husband left.  I have gotten a lot of great feedback and I feel God has used my words to somehow bring some comfort to someone reading this by sharing my experiences as well as proving that you are not alone in these feelings, whatever your situation may be.  

So, why am I bringing this up? I’d like you to take a moment and look back at some of the recent blogs I’ve written. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Why did I ask you to do this? Because I wanted you to notice how long it had been since I wrote anything about my ex. Not counting “15 Things” it’s been over a month. I began the blog having worked through a lot of issues and felt I was on the other side of the pain, other than the occasional pings of guilt, loneliness and hurt. And in fact, I was on the healing side, which is a good place to be I have to say.  

As I have said, I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback and some dedicated readers. I’ve received tweets telling me they enjoy their daily ritual of reading my blog over their morning coffee, on their way to work and yes, even when they get to the office and before they begin the work day. Thank you all so much for sharing this with me!

The fact that I have not even thought to write about my ex, is just further proof that the healing process, for me, has come full circle. I could go on everyday writing things about him. But truth is, I just don’t care too. It’s not part of my life having to reflect on the marriage or him on a daily basis.

So, to those of you still recovering from a painful divorce or breakup, it does get better and it CONTINUES to get better….if you allow yourself to heal. You deserve happiness. You deserve to move forward, even if you think you don’t want to. Because, the cold hard truth is, life is going to move forward regardless of what you want. Does that mean you have to move on to the next man or woman? Not at all. But you CAN move forward with your life until you are ready to take that step with another relationship. And you need this time before you move on with someone else.

Enjoy the time you have being yourself and not someone’s significant other. Enjoy being with your family and reconnecting with them as an individual. In the end, when you do decide to move forward with a relationship, you will be much better off emotionally, spiritually and as and individual.

Until next time….PEACE

AJ



{October 4, 2010}   My 15 Minutes of Fame

Hi everyone! Welcome….Come in, have a seat! My week was incredibly awesome! You know when you just have a great week? Nothing extraordinary happened, it was just a great week. Don’t you just love those days?

One unusual thing did happen though. I have been a Days of Our Lives fan for almost 30 years. Yep, since I was about 11 years old. Back when Marlana was fighting her increasing feelings for Roman….the first go round. So when my smart phone emailed me to tell me I had a new twitter follower, I knew the name right away. After all, his storyline has had him playing the villain, the good guy fighting not to be like his devilish (the one we love to hate) father and the tortured soul that earned him the love and respect of Days fans worldwide. And of course, those of us with a romantic soul couldn’t help but fall in love with his character as he was falling in love with the one and only love of his life, Anna.

That’s right folks, Thaao Penghlis also known by his Days’ character, Tony (and at one time, Tony’s EVIL cousin, Andre….but we’ll save that for another time).

As I looked at my phone and did a double take to confirm it was indeed Thaao’s name, I became so excited!! I’ve always loved his character and Thaao’s acting as well. And HE chose to follow ME! Wow. I have a few celebrities that follow my twitter and blog, so I just figured maybe he just saw me on one of the Days twitter pages, thought I was someone else and added me. Maybe he had heard about my blog from the couple of actors that read it regularly. I really didn’t care the how or why, he was following me! And I loved it!

Within a few minutes, I went straight to my computer to verify what I actually was reading on my phone. I was still shocked that the man I had admired and the heart of the “DiMera” family would pick me to follow! Seriously guys, I have really liked Thaao since I was just a kid. I hadn’t asked him to follow me, in fact, I didn’t even know he was on twitter.

Alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got on my laptop, he was no longer following me. So apparently he didn’t know about my blog (shucks). Or, he found out quickly, that I was not someone he knew. I was indeed disappointed. Thaao dumped me. I was being dumped by a twitter celebrity, a long time favorite of mine twitter celebrity.

That was the end of my, well, lets say five minutes, of fame. However, I have to say how cool it was, that for just a few minutes someone I felt like I grew up knowing, noticed me! Well, ok, maybe he didn’t notice me. But he did follow me……for about five minutes! And that is good enough for me

Until next time….Peace

AJ



et cetera