How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











Welcome everyone!

As I was thinking of my next post, something else was brewing in the back of my mind. If I could go back 15 years or so, what would I do different? As the list got longer and longer, it was certain I would have to blog about this! Maybe some younger women my age will think twice about somethings before following through thinking it will not affect their future. Truth is, sometimes it does.

So, here we go!

15 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 20 Year Old Self

 

 1.  Take your time. You don’t have to be in such a hurry to have everything  

      and do everything. It won’t matter in ten years anyway.

  2.  Take the time, everyday, to let your husband, and your family, know

       you love them. Sometimes you forget to tell them, stop and remember.

  3. When your brother visits you by surprise one morning to tell you he loves you,

       WAKE up completely, get out of bed and have breakfast with him.

       You’ll know when this day comes.

4.  You’re just now coming out of your shell. Don’t be so hard on your loved

     ones. Don’t hold on to the little things that bother you so tightly. It’s not worth

     it.

5.  Don’t be so stubborn and prideful. Learn to compromise, some pride is

      good, too much pride can ruin you in the end and leave you with nothing.

 6. You are beginning to learn new things about yourself and will soon grow to love the person you are.

     Hold tight to her, don’t let her get lost in the fast pace and hardships of life. Hold very, very tightly.

 7.  Remain strong in your beliefs. You don’t have to be arrogant to get your point across. In the end, it doesn’t

      matter who was right or wrong, it matters who did their best to help others. Redirect that “I have to be right”

     energy into helping others. You will get much more self satisfaction than if you are always trying to prove

     yourself right.

 8. Be very weary of so called friends. What you see on the surface, but feel in your gut, IS an honest gut feeling.

    This person is NOT your friend. Stay clear of this person and don’t let him/her come between you and Guy.

    I can’t stress this enough. You will know him when the time comes.

 9. Let your true self show and shine! Forget trying to please others. Do what you feel is right and others

     will see from your actions and know you have integrity.

10. When you start your family, don’t be so hard on your kids. Remember spanking isn’t always the solution.

       Just learn to learn from them. By the time they are a little older, you’ll regret a lot of choices you made when   

       you chose to spank. And there are no “take backs”.

 11. I KNOW how badly you want to, but DO NOT get that tattoo on your lower back with the initial “g” for

       your husband. And don’t joke about “if you ever get a divorce, you’ll just say it stands for Garth Brooks”.

      You’ll come to realize, it’s not funny. And Garth won’t be on top forever!

 12. Do not get the tattoo on your ankle…or at least let someone else do it. It will come out to look like

         something you most definitely do not want! Nothing like the “feather” you want!

 13. I know, at times, you and your mother-in-law butt heads. Don’t be so indignant of it. You know you

        love her and believe it or not, she does love you.  She tells you this…believe her. You’ll have your ups and

       downs, but NEVER let her think that you don’t love her. Always be respectful, even when disagreeing.

      It’s just not worth fighting and losing her in your life. She will not turn her back on you, although sometimes,

      you may feel that way. Assume she has other things going on, because she does. Sometimes, it has got

      nothing to do with you.  Sometimes, she just doesn’t know how to handle things. Trust in her and trust

      in the fact that no matter what, she does love you.  

14. Never ever fight in front of the kids. Ever. Always stay on top of your credit and pay your bills on time.

      You don’t want to lose that. 

15. Never doubt that Guy is your one and only love. Treat him that way. Everyday, show him.

       Each day that God gives you with him, be the wife he needs you to be. He loves you very much right now,

      don’t ever jeopardize that. You will never stop loving him. Things may change, but you will love him forever.

      He is your best friend. Don’t lose that. Don’t give him reason to ever lose respect for you.

     The way you feel right now, that you can’t live without him, you still feel 17 years later. Don’t lose that.

And one most thing to add……when your heart is broken, it WILL HEAL….don’t be scared to look at what has

changed in your life and see it for the reality it now is.

ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! LOVE YOURSELF!!

See ya soon,

AJ

Until next time…..PEACE

AJ

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{July 25, 2010}   Setting the Record Straight

Welcome everyone! I’ve gotten so much support from you guys and I thank you so much!

So, I’ve been catching some gruff lately about….well, some say I have been “bad mouthing” my ex. I don’t feel like I have been doing that, however, I will set the record straight.

I have not and will not put him down in a negative way. We both had a hand in the destruction of our marriage…he’s just the one who walked. He’s a great father and I am glad he is “my baby daddy”.

This blog is about me. It’s not about him or his faults. It’s something I felt like I needed to do and I can only hope my words will help someone else who is at the point I was three and a half years ago. No matter what you think now or feel now, it does get better. Before it can get better, though, you have to let it go. I mean, really let it go.

As long as you hold on to what “used to be” you can never get to “what’s to come”. And there is so much more to experience in your life! I was so scared of letting go of everything I knew, that I was missing what was going on around me. It doesn’t mean I have forgotten the good times, or the bad. But I don’t let either run my life anymore.

Oh, and about that whole year vow thing, the year is over-the vow is over. However, I also don’t feel the need to fill my life with casual experiences.

For now, I am happy just being me.

Til next time……Peace

A.J.



{July 3, 2010}   The Beginning….

I have been trying to decide how to begin this blog. Do I begin with the cold hard truth of waking up one day facing the end of my 20 year marriage? Do I begin with how I began to heal since that day three and half years ago? Well, as it turns out, today as I opened my browser and saw the news posted on a popular website, it suddenly became clear.

It seems that a lady, nine years my junior, was profiled for her choice to go one year “Voluntary” without sex. It struck me as a little funny since I had made that same decision two years and nine months ago. “Why?” you may ask. I mean, what person in their right mind would go a year without ANY form of sex. Zilch. Nothing. Well, I will tell you.

As I said, I was married for twenty years. My husband and I got married about a year out of high school. I was never into serious relationships during my high school years….there was always something more important, like basketball. I had some good guy friends and that fulfilled any need for attention I felt I needed at the time. Which was all innocent… let me be VERY CLEAR on that.

However, once I got together with my husband and began this serious relationship, I fell hard and quickly. We were married at the tender age of nineteen. We began our family four years later when our first of three children arrived. A girl. Perfect in everyway (but aren’t they all???).

I loved my husband more than myself. He loved me more than he loved himself, I truly believe that. So, we continued in our marital bliss. Three and a half years later, our second daughter was born followed fifteen months later by our only son. Life was good. I was able to stay at home after my second child was born and began to work from home after my son was born.

To me, life couldn’t have been better. Little did I know, ten years later, I would be left a single mother, bitter and never willing to risk the chance at another life with someone else.

Once my husband left, I found the need to seek attention elsewhere…. anywhere. I felt unloved, unattractive and just…..old. I just needed to feel wanted again. It never went farther than flirting, because honestly, all I wanted was my old life back and to be with my husband again.  HE was the one I wanted. No one else could fill that void and I didn’t want anyone else to feel that void. So, to get to the point, after the last time with my husband, I decided to forgo sex of any kind for one year, and concentrate on ME…the inside ME.

There was a reason I felt the need to get attention from men. It wasn’t because I wanted John Doe or anyone else. I just wanted the attention and to feel important to someone. I didn’t realize that the person I needed to feel important to was myself.

So, as I spent this year (without even allowing myself to think about sex) rediscovering who I was, I slowly began to remember the person I was. And the further I dug into my soul, the more I did not like the person I had become. My value was not based on what men saw when they looked at me. Nor was it based on how I felt “loved” when someone found me attractive. I was beautiful on the inside and I didn’t need sex to prove that. I didn’t need men telling me I was pretty to know I was …. at least where it mattered most. By taking all aspects of sex out of the equation, I was able to see what people saw when they looked at me instead of what I wanted to feel when they looked at me. I was able to rediscover my value as a person. And that’s when things started looking up for me, emotionally. I felt my worth. I knew I was worthy of a man with a kind and devoted heart and just because my husband left (who I have to say, is not a bad person) it did not mean I was destined to be with whoever showed a little bit of interest in me. My true happiness was worth waiting for.

So, that is how MY one year vow of no sex turned into two years nine months and counting…..

I, for one, am a better person for having made this decision.

Until next time……peace.

A.J.



et cetera