How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{November 1, 2013}   I’ve Always Wanted To Say . . .

November 1, 2013

I’ve Always Wanted To Say . . .

Hi everyone, welcome to my world.

Several months back a friend of mine made a comment via a twitter conversation. It went something like this :

Her : “. . . remind me to watch Family Jewels next week, it looks good.”

Me : “Yea, I hope they don’t split up.”

Her : “Well, you cant have your cake and eat it too. Dude, I’ve always wanted to say that! And the one about the cow and the milk.”

For some reason, on that day, it was the funniest thing I had heard in a long time. I knew I had to do this blog. It’s not a “bucket list” it’s more of a “Cliché list”. So, here is my list of some cliques I’ve always wanted to say; at just the right time.

5) It was just gonna lay there . . .

“What? I hit the deer with my truck and got it off the road purdy (yes, purdy) soon after.I didn’t mean to hit it and it was just gonna lay there anyways. DINNER!”

4) A guilty dog . . .

“You know he’s full of shit; a guilty dog barks the loudest!”

3) He’s nuttier . . .

“He’s nuttier than a squirrel’s turd.” (yea, not the best one)

2) Lock . . .

“Lock and Load” (this is of course when carrying an semi automatic rifle.Somehow though, when I say it, I actually hear the voice of David Keith when he said it in U571)

1) Ain’t takin my . . .

“Dumbass (I toned that down for the innocent of hearts) you aint taking my mutha’ fuk’n ass to jail! (only. . . you know, to a cop).

Now, you know this is all said if fun. Personally, I wouldn’t eat a deer; perfectly good road kill or not. And I simply can’t even say the words “nuttier” and “turd” in the same sentence (I’m just too immature not to laugh my ass off at that. Last but not least, when I see a cop, I can only seem to say “yes sir/maam, no sir/maam”.

For years, well his whole life really, my grandfather would answer the telephone the same exact way. Every single time. As a child, it was irritating. As an adult, it was funny. Now, it’s just simply missed. I miss hearing him answer his phone: “It’s your nickel.” (I don’t think he got the whole inflation thing!)

Until next time . . . PEACE

AJ

Advertisements


{February 6, 2013}   Will I Sleep Tonight After This?

Hey guys! Welcome. It doesn’t take much to entertain me. We all know that. I’ve accepted it, most of you have accepted it. At least I hope you have. If not, I’ll be getting some angry tweets . . . but then again, who cares! I’m joking, of course. OR am I??

Let me first apologize for the funky way this blog looks. Let’s just say, I don’t like when things change! I haven’t been able to take the time (actually the patience) to continually mess with the new format on WordPress so that is pleasing to your beautiful eyes, and I’m . . . well, let’s just say “not happy” about it!

Maybe it’s because some things have recently been settled in my life that have plagued me mentally and physically for what seems like forever, maybe it’s because I’m happier now than I have been in a very long time or maybe, and this is just a guess here, but just maybe my sense of humor really is as warped as I have said many times. Whatever the reason, this story just struck my funny bone and I’m still laughing over it! Did I mention, I’m easily amused and distracted? Oh, I thought so.

These are some ads from the 1950’s, as stated in the article. These are just the top five I felt deserved the honor of being profiled in this collection. Listen, I know the 50’s were a totally different time; I get that. People looked different, they dressed different and cartoon characters looked different. But seriously, these photos really are . . . eye-catching. And they say commercial ads are too “scary” for children today.

          5)  Yea, this makes me want to run right out for some chocolate! :

creepy-children-vintage-50s-ads-chocolate-kid-head-series

           4)  No wonder “Beaver Cleaver” didn’t want to take a bath! :

creepy-children-vintage-50s-ads-pears-zombie-child-bathtub Pears soap

            3)  Who said I wanted to “DYE”??? Well, I certainly don’t want to NOW! :

creepy-children-vintage-50s-ads-dye-cat-bloog-scary dye company

          2)  I’ll just agree with the original caption on this one. The girl, the ONLY kid without an ice

              cream mind you, looks too much like that freaky girl who played in “The Orphan”. But in

              case she sees this, I REPEAT . . . These are not MY words, so don’t come after me to

              teach me “I must be killed to be put out of my pain.” Just asking, please. We good? :

creepy-children-vintage-50s-ads-possessed-girl-ice-cream looks like Ester

          1)  Notice the word “barbiturate” here? Of course, with that Pears’ Soap, the kid probably

               needed this shit! :

creepy-children-vintage-50s-ads-nembutal-black-eyes

Seriously, I wonder if I’ll ever sleep again! One day I’ll learn. “Stay focused and don’t get distracted AJ!!”

Until next time . . . PEACE

AJ



{January 23, 2012}   Ode To Marina

January 23, 2011

Ode to Marina

Hi everyone, welcome! Weird title for a blog, huh? I mean, who the heck is Marina and why am I of all people writing an “ode” to her. I know how you think. Well, Marina is a good friend of mine. Duh, obviously, right? Seriously, please remember I am a blonde.

Well, I feel pretty bad. I made a promise to Marina and have yet to come through for her. See, I promised her a special blog post two days ago naming the first ever “A.J.’s  Blog Awards”. Little did I know how hard it would be to find the right words when trying to honor someone you respect, especially when your friends are involved. No, it’s not hard; it’s freakin’ hard!

And what can I say? I know Marina wakes up each and every day for the sole enjoyment of reading my blog. I mean, I know, she loves her kids. I know she loves her husband. And I know she loves to curse. REALLY loves to curse. But my blog, she completely suffers anxiety when I don’t post regularly.

So Marina, my dear friend, here is your daily blog. Completely in honor of you! Now, of course, you know I’m just having some laughs, Marina has many blogs she loves to read. As a matter of fact, it takes her complete work day just to get through them all! All that reading plus writing her own blog, it’s no wonder she wants her blogs ASAP.

You have to love a dedicated reader!!

HUGS TO YOU MARINA!!!

PS. You’ll have your “Award Blog” tomorrow, I promise.

Check out Marina’s blog at : http://MarinaSleeps.wordpress.com

Until next time . . . PEACE

AJ



{June 20, 2011}   My Dog Is The Best Dog Ever

Hi all! Welcome.

As the title of this blog states, my dog, Ryoki, is the best and greatest dog EVER! Actually, she’s more of my dad’s dog.But I claim her as mine now.

And I’m going to tell you why. I think you’ll agree she is really something special.

Ryoki

The other night, I was going through some of my boxes. I moved into an add-on at my parents home last year to try to get back on my feet and get some other things in order. The longer I stay here, the more I think about what’s in those boxes and how tired I am of the items. So, every now and then, I’ll go through them and give some things away. I just gave all my plates to my niece. I picked out some pots for her and some silver wear for my mom along with just taking some
of my baking items out for use. (By the way mom, the baking items are still mine).
. . . but you can use. I love to bake.

 Anyway, I was taking some things inside the house. As usual, I had overloaded my arms and had no possible way to open the screen door. My mom’s screen door handle is broken, so it doesn’t “catch”. This is great for Ryoki because when she has to go out, she pushes the screen door ever so slightly and goes out. She hasn’t mastered knocking the door hard enough for it to bounce open wide enough so she can stick her head in to get back in . . . but she does knock when she wants back in.

Now, in the past, I have mentioned how she is the “favored sister”. And in truth, she really is. But I don’t mind, especially after what she did the other night.

There I stood outside the door, my arms so full I couldn’t even use my elbow to nudge the screen door open, saying “Someone please get the door”. I was nice at first. After all, there were six
people in the house; my three kids, their dad and both my parents, just feet away from the door. No one came to my assistance. However, I did see Ryoki standing inside the door. Again, and a little louder, I said “Can someone get the door???” Apparently, they were too busy to be bothered. Again, I see pretty little Miss Ryoki standing by the screen door. But wait, she was coming my way. Gently, she edged the door open and backed up. Dang dog. Was she teasing me? She already poops right outside my door (my door leads directly outside; she doesn’t poop in the
house). Great. Now, she’s found a new way to diss me. Which, I let her know I didn’t appreciate.

She then pushed the screen door open a little farther. Holy cow, I thought. Was she trying to open the door for me? I didn’t catch the open part quickly enough with my shoulder. So, testing the waters, I said “One more time Ryoki, I couldn’t get that one.” All the while five people were standing in the dining room; only a few feet into the house.

And, I’ll be damned. Ryoki not only opens the door, she opens it a bit wider and holds it until I catch it with my shoulder! I couldn’t believe it! I figured she was going to come outside and
that was her ultimate reason for opening the door. Yet as I nudged the screen door open, and took the one step up that led me into the house, she backs up, looks up at me wagging her tail and I swear people, she was smiling! She knew exactly what she was doing! Very impressive Ryoki!

I went around to every person in the house and bragged on her, considering they were content to ignore my pleas for someone to open the door, I felt I was justified.

As I relayed the story to my mom asked me “did she go on outside?” I proudly informed her, “No, she simply opened the door for me. Once she saw I had the door and was coming in, she backed up for me.”

How freakin’ genius is my dog?! And I thought she didn’t even like me, considering you know, the pooping outside my door and all. I think I can truly say she is my sister now with pride . . . after all, she still is a dog.

Until
next time . . .

  A.J.



{May 27, 2011}   You Are Mine

Hi everyone! Welcome back. I know, it’s been too long.

Most of you know my niece. I’ve talked about her. I’ve shown a picture here and there. She’s just  so adorable . . . everyone agrees. Well, I’m going to show you a little window into that baby’s world; as she sees it.

 

I’m going to call her Sasha. I’m not sure if her mom would want me to mention her name or not . . . plus, Sasha is a cool name. I could so be a Sasha.

Let me tell you a few things about her. She’s two years old. She has beautiful blonde hair, hazel eyes and a “conquer the world” attitude. Her mom is working with her on her colors. Girl doesn’t know them all . . . but dammit, she will ask for her “purple paci”. Purple, she knows.

My oldest daughter has gotten Sasha hooked on a group called Alice Nine specifically, the lead singer Shou. Or as Sasha calls
him, Sho-Sho. She is very adamant about her feelings for him. “Sho-Sho” is . . . and I quote, “hers”. End of story. You just have to understand this one thing; don’t mess with Sho-Sho. It doesn’t matter what she is doing, when she hears the group’s music, she pops up and goes into a daze watching them. Sort of like me when I hear Charlie Daniels.

She recently enlisted my daughters help in writing him a letter. Basically, saying general things “hi, what are you doing? I have a paci” you know, really important things. Alas, before the letter is finished, she had her own things to tell him . . . some of it she told us, some she kept as a secret. People, remember she’s two. I thought I’d share the letter with you. It sort of takes me back do the second grade and the “check yes or no” letters. Sasha’s letter is a bit more . . . well, let’s just say she doesn’t give the option of using the “check box”.

Dear Sho-Sho,

 

I like my paci.

Where are you? 

I love you.

 

You are mine.

 

Sasha

Ahhh . . . to be young again.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



et cetera