How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{October 14, 2014}   The Next Chapter

Hi everyone! Thank you for visiting my blog. My name is AJ. I originally began writing this blog in an attempt to work through some personal issues deriving from my divorce some five years prior. Not only did this blog provide a safe place for me to put words to the feelings I was dealing with, I believe this blog sometimes served as a life boat for me. When I felt helpless, hurt, angry, alone, confused and exhausted, I would turn to my blog and just write letting it all out. I immediately felt better emotionally, but I also felt mentally centered, if that makes sense.

It was also my hope, I would be able to reach out to those who may be feeling some of the same feelings I was dealing with. If I could help just one person know she/he was not alone . . . as I often felt, I knew it would be worth opening myself up this way. By the way, opening up, being so exposed, is not easy for me.

I wanted to find when and where I lost the woman I once was. The woman I loved. The one I had self confidence in. The woman I was before the end of my husband of 20 years walked out on me and our three kids deciding he “no longer wanted to be married”. I wanted to find the woman I knew was still somewhere deep inside of the woman I had become. I’m not proud of that woman. She was bitter, in so much pain, each day was a struggle, and she had given up on love completely. Hence the name of this blog. How I Ended Up This Way. It didn’t happen overnight and wouldn’t be fixed overnight. However, I knew it was within me to dig deep and rediscover the woman who believed in love and saw the world as a place to enjoy and experience life instead of something I would have to endure day after day.

As it turned out, from the very first blog post… I received so many stories from my readers saying “I’m in tears… this could have been written about me” or “I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I truly felt alone in the world”. Hearing these words, my pain fell to the wayside. I had a new mission. It was to do whatever I could, using my experiences, to reach out to help these lovely people not feel so alone.

Once my mission became clear, I was like falling back into my old self. By telling my story and some wacky stories along the way, I found the woman I had been searching for all along. To my readers and those who shared your stories via comments … I am so grateful to you.

As I make my way through the next chapter of my life, I hope you will continue to read my blogs and take this journey with me wherever it may lead me. We’ll share some laughs, maybe a few tears, but definitely encouragement that you are not alone in this!

Be sure to follow my facebook facebook.com/writerajcarroll (and like my Author page for updates on my novel Rightfully Mine)

And twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/WriterAJCarroll

Until next time…
AJ



{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562



{July 8, 2011}   Swingin’ By

I am not a very emotional person. By emotional, I mean the “lovey-dovey, strawberries and cream” kind of emotion, although I do have my moments. Yet, sometimes I am faced with words I must put to paper. Almost as if the words are slapping me saying “I will win, so you might as well get up and write this story so you can get some sleep.” Yea, sounds like tons of fun, doesn’t it?

So here goes. I literately dreamed this poem. Although, in the dream it was a song, I was surrounded by cowboys that looked like Brett Michaels and Vince Neil . . . (yes,Marina. . . I know, the hair), all on horseback, doing a reality TV show about “real cowboys”. Seriously. And let me tell you, if you think having a song stuck in your head is bad, try having a song that doesn’t exist stuck in your head. Now that, my friends, is a pain in the ass.                                  

Now that I have left you with the image of Motley Crue’s lead singer on horseback, did I mention the cowboy hats? OH, and “Cowboy Troy” was there as well . . . the only black cowboy I know. Here is the result of my mind’s never ending imagination. It doesn’t always make sense, but at least there are hot guys, huh?

 

                                                         A friend comes when called.

                                                 A better friend calls to see how you are.

                                       But the greatest of friends, aww . . the greatest of friends

                                                       Swing by – just in case.

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Thank you all for swingin’ by.

Until Next Time . . . PEACE

AJ



{October 28, 2010}   It May Get A Little Hairy

Welcome back everyone!! Thank you for supporting me on my journey to get my dream of writing off the ground!

But, I have ran into a little problem. Maybe you can help. I do have to warn you, this blog may get a little gross.

Women have been shaving their arm pits for, I don’t know how long. It’s expected, it’s frowned upon if a woman’s choice is “ole natural”. We shave our legs, arm pits, toes even, and we suffer the pain of waxing eyebrows, peach fuss on our face (hush, it’s NOT a mustache!) and other things. Most women feel “icky” if we don’t. Which brings me to the one question I have been itching to ask. Is it wrong for a man to shave his arm pits?  

Stop….stop…..come on! Stop laughing I’m being serious here. Fine, take a minute and collect yourself. Ready now? Good. If it’s gross for a woman to have hairy arm pits, shouldn’t it the same for a man who has HAIRY arm pits? On the other hand, is it weird for them to shave the pits? I mean, it is not really talked about. And everyone knows women have been doing it and even consider it natural for us to do it. Now, there are a few exceptions to this however, for the most part or at least among the women I have known, it’s a given. Most of us were raised to do all this “grooming”. Most guys, unless you’re a professional wrestler, don’t shave anything other than their face.

I think some men believe it is “unmanly” to shave their pits. After all, well . . . it’s just not done unless you have a darn good reason. If a man has hair, he’s usually just glad to have hair no matter where it is! At least, that’s what I’ve always been told.

The stigma of a man shaving his pits, is how some guys try to justifying having hairy pits. However, I must say, if Triple H, Goldberg, Batista, and Randy Orton can shave their pits and not be called sissy, it sets the stage for you guys to follow along. I mean, are YOU gonna call Goldberg a sissy? Yea, that’s what I thought.

So, I guess the question is…Do the pits make the man? Guys, I’m not asking you to shave your legs here. Now THAT would be weird, unless you are a professional wrestler. After all, they have an image to maintain. And do we really want to see a bunch of hairy men grabbing each other in tiny little trunks? Uhmm, no. Much better to see a bunch of non hairy men grabbing and throwing each other around in tiny trunks……give me a second, getting a visual here.

Bottom line, if women can shave our pits so can you. And you know what? You just might learn to like it.

Until next time….Peace

AJ



{October 12, 2010}   How Long Has It Been?

Hello everyone. Welcome.

When I began this blog, I was hoping by sharing my story, I would be able to somehow reach out to someone that may be experiencing the same things I was and had experienced in the past three and a half years since my husband left.  I have gotten a lot of great feedback and I feel God has used my words to somehow bring some comfort to someone reading this by sharing my experiences as well as proving that you are not alone in these feelings, whatever your situation may be.  

So, why am I bringing this up? I’d like you to take a moment and look back at some of the recent blogs I’ve written. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Why did I ask you to do this? Because I wanted you to notice how long it had been since I wrote anything about my ex. Not counting “15 Things” it’s been over a month. I began the blog having worked through a lot of issues and felt I was on the other side of the pain, other than the occasional pings of guilt, loneliness and hurt. And in fact, I was on the healing side, which is a good place to be I have to say.  

As I have said, I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback and some dedicated readers. I’ve received tweets telling me they enjoy their daily ritual of reading my blog over their morning coffee, on their way to work and yes, even when they get to the office and before they begin the work day. Thank you all so much for sharing this with me!

The fact that I have not even thought to write about my ex, is just further proof that the healing process, for me, has come full circle. I could go on everyday writing things about him. But truth is, I just don’t care too. It’s not part of my life having to reflect on the marriage or him on a daily basis.

So, to those of you still recovering from a painful divorce or breakup, it does get better and it CONTINUES to get better….if you allow yourself to heal. You deserve happiness. You deserve to move forward, even if you think you don’t want to. Because, the cold hard truth is, life is going to move forward regardless of what you want. Does that mean you have to move on to the next man or woman? Not at all. But you CAN move forward with your life until you are ready to take that step with another relationship. And you need this time before you move on with someone else.

Enjoy the time you have being yourself and not someone’s significant other. Enjoy being with your family and reconnecting with them as an individual. In the end, when you do decide to move forward with a relationship, you will be much better off emotionally, spiritually and as and individual.

Until next time….PEACE

AJ



et cetera