How I Ended Up This Way's Blog











{November 7, 2013}   A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562

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Hello everyone! Welcome.

Aren’t Mondays supposed to suck? I mean, we all moan and groan when Monday morning get here. We get all geared up in anticipation of starting a new week. A new week of commuting to work or if you work from home, we gear up and get into our “work mode”. Another week of, for most of us, dealing with idiots, at least that’s what I hear!

Something must be very wrong with me today. Because, I had forgotten it was even Monday! Of course, I do have a really really good reason to forget what day it is. I scarcely remember what month it is. It’s still March, right?

So, my twitter family, most of them anyway, has already heard I received a top mention on my “I Am One” blog. With that, I earned a little money. Not a bad deal, huh? Well, things just keep getting better and I want to share it all with you, every step of the way.

I know I’ve told you this before, but for the new followers please be patient. When I started the blog, it was for the purpose of helping others as well as personal healing. I started out blogging of the end of my marriage, the pain that came with and how I pulled myself back together. I just wanted to bring to light we are not alone during these times, because I had felt so alone. Soon my blog turned towards my random thoughts, like arm pit hair, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air reunion, my cousin’s adventure on COPS, oh and who can forget the drunken clown? I know I have been unable to wash that memory from my brain, and I have tried!

With each blog came reinforcement of my validity. It has always been my intent to write a book, actually many books, and I have begun Confessions2AJ. I am about half way through in case you’re wondering, but I need more confessions! So send them on http://www.AJDaily.com .

I have some wonderful and amazing news to share with you today. Last night, completely out of the blue, I retained a manager! That’s right, I’m big time now, baby! All joking aside, I am floored still. I am not sure how well I will be able to hand over part of my life, well . . . control of this part of my life, but I know I will soon learn and be happier for it. We have, well I need to give her her due, she has some amazing ideas upcoming  for all of us!

Thank you all for joining and sticking with me on the crazy ride! I promise, when I meet Ed Burns for talks of a film– because, you know I will – I’ll remember how I got there.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



 

Hello Everyone. Welcome!

I am sure, if you are a regular reader of my blog, that you knew this blog was due. You probably have wondered whether or not, this is would be the holiday I would not blog about feeling that ping of guilt at having to “share” my children. Well, I’m sad to say, this is not that holiday!

As Christmas is creeping up on us, I am doing basically the same things I have done each and every year. Buying gifts, wrapping both mine and my mother’s gifts for the children as well as anyone else she may have bought a gift for. I have wrapped the gifts for my mom since I was about thirteen years old, including my own. That’s the “thing” I do every year with my mom. Dad, I’m sorry to have to break that bit of information to you this way.

My dad, well, that’s where I get my love for cheesy Christmas movies. Each year, I have to watch all the same Christmas movies the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime Channel continue to show. That is the one thing my dad and I have shared ever since I can remember. It is also the one thing that we love to drive the rest of the house nuts with! And yes, we do watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” each Christmas Eve and end our merriment by watching “A Christmas Story”. How can you not watch “A Christmas Story” when it’s played for a full 24 hours every Christmas Day?

I continue to do all these things and I continue to enjoy them. Yet, this is the third year in which I have had to spend part of the holiday without my children. It’s as if a part of me, has . . . vanished, during the time they are not here celebrating with me, and I just feel as if I’m always a finger tip short of grasping what I am missing. Does that make sense?

Yes, I know divorce happens to many people. Yes, I know people learn to deal with split custody. And yes, I know people do not have children anticipating that, one day, splitting holidays will become normal. I also know, even though my ex takes the children to his mom’s for their Christmas celebration, even though I include him in our Christmas Day celebration every year so that the kids will have us both, one day, this to shall end. One day, this little bit of “family semi-normalcy” we share on Christmas morning will come to an end.

Until that time, I will take comfort in the words spoken by a man I have come to truly admire and strive to take his words to heart.

 

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message,

that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is

they should be part of our daily lives.”         Dalai Lama

 

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{November 29, 2010}   Wise Words

Good afternoon everyone! Sorry for the late post today. I have been trying to decide why this particular post comes with the nagging feeling that I should only post this quote by Judy Garland. It’s all that my mind seems to focus on when I turn to post today.

So, I am letting my gut lead me. Someone out there needs to hear this otherwise it wouldn’t be bothering me so much. And I saw that respectfully. This is my favorite quote of all time.

     “Well, we have a whole new year ahead of us. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, and a little more loving, have a little more empathy and maybe – next year at this time – we’d like each other a little more. “                     Judy Garland

I hope you find comfort in Ms. Garland’s words, said so long ago. I try to remember her words each and every day I speak to you all. Well, there is that Seagal blog..

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



{November 10, 2010}   My Sincerest Thanks

 

 

Hi everyone! Welcome!

It has been a very stressful and long day! However, I knew I could not skip on this blog! You guys are the greatest! Just like this little boy in the above picture, you guys always pull through for me.

Yesterday’s post was very emotional. It was so hard to face and actually tell you guys the most intimate details of my emotional well being at the time. Telling you was not the hardest part. Facing it was the hardest part.

You guys have, in the past, given me so much support and comfort, I knew I would have no trouble sharing the crazy feelings with you. If I could only get the words out on to paper, I knew I would make it. I did and you guys filled my heart with the comfort and love that makes me keep going. That’s what makes me continue to write on this path of rediscovery and share every emotional, corny, weird, random and well, frankly sometimes warped thoughts that flow through my brain. And for that, my friends, my family, I am forever grateful.

Not one of my readers do I appreciate more than the rest. Many of you retweet my blog each and everytime I Post it, usually announcing it twice a day. So, a special thanks goes out to you!

I would like thank my friend Leann Rimes for not only being a wonderful and supportive friend, but also for taking the time out of her crazy crazy schedule while she’s hitting Nashville with her new CD release, to retweet and ask her some 85,000 followers to read her friend’s blog. Yes, this blog is about me, however, it’s also about every other woman/man that have had these feelings. And if I can make that one person laugh as you all make me laugh, I am so honored to do so. So thank you Leann for opening up such a huge opportunity for my words to reach so many people, some who may need a life line to hand on to however, they are feeling completely alone and lost among 85,ooo people. Thank you for your beauiful heart!

I love you all!

Oh, one more thing, if your see this guy, send him my way, will ya?

Until next time……Peace

A.J.



et cetera