How I Ended Up This Way's Blog

{November 30, 2010}   Confessions

Hello everyone!

What should I blog about this morning? The beauty that is the Fall season? The debate over global warming? What? No? You have been waiting on something else? Oh yes, I promised you something today, didn’t I? The launch date of my new website!

The website is going great. The tentative launch date if this Friday!!! All is on schedule, so . . .  cross your fingers, knock on wood, or say 3 hail Mary’s . . . whatever you do to stop a jinx!

The first thing I am putting into motion, is for a book to be launched at a later date, as it involves other’s input. You may have already heard. I am writing a book called “Confessions to AJ”.

That’s right. You can confess anything you want, no matter how little or how big, and you can be in the book.

Now, I assure you, on my reputation as a writer and more importantly, as a person  of integrity, you will remain anonymous. As a matter of fact, I will even put my own confession in the book!

To get involved, you may request to be my friend on Twitter at “Confessions2AJ”. I will then befriend you and you may DM me anything you like.  No names or other info will be released with the book, or anyplace else for that matter. While you are in Twitter, send me a follow on my personal twitter page, asjbraves.

You may also send me an unsigned postcard, letter, or to note to the website’s mailing address: A.J.Carroll PO Box 462, Callahan, FL 32011.

If this whole process makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s ok. You don’t have to participate. But, I’m hoping you will J

Until next time……Peace


{October 12, 2010}   How Long Has It Been?

Hello everyone. Welcome.

When I began this blog, I was hoping by sharing my story, I would be able to somehow reach out to someone that may be experiencing the same things I was and had experienced in the past three and a half years since my husband left.  I have gotten a lot of great feedback and I feel God has used my words to somehow bring some comfort to someone reading this by sharing my experiences as well as proving that you are not alone in these feelings, whatever your situation may be.  

So, why am I bringing this up? I’d like you to take a moment and look back at some of the recent blogs I’ve written. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Why did I ask you to do this? Because I wanted you to notice how long it had been since I wrote anything about my ex. Not counting “15 Things” it’s been over a month. I began the blog having worked through a lot of issues and felt I was on the other side of the pain, other than the occasional pings of guilt, loneliness and hurt. And in fact, I was on the healing side, which is a good place to be I have to say.  

As I have said, I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback and some dedicated readers. I’ve received tweets telling me they enjoy their daily ritual of reading my blog over their morning coffee, on their way to work and yes, even when they get to the office and before they begin the work day. Thank you all so much for sharing this with me!

The fact that I have not even thought to write about my ex, is just further proof that the healing process, for me, has come full circle. I could go on everyday writing things about him. But truth is, I just don’t care too. It’s not part of my life having to reflect on the marriage or him on a daily basis.

So, to those of you still recovering from a painful divorce or breakup, it does get better and it CONTINUES to get better….if you allow yourself to heal. You deserve happiness. You deserve to move forward, even if you think you don’t want to. Because, the cold hard truth is, life is going to move forward regardless of what you want. Does that mean you have to move on to the next man or woman? Not at all. But you CAN move forward with your life until you are ready to take that step with another relationship. And you need this time before you move on with someone else.

Enjoy the time you have being yourself and not someone’s significant other. Enjoy being with your family and reconnecting with them as an individual. In the end, when you do decide to move forward with a relationship, you will be much better off emotionally, spiritually and as and individual.

Until next time….PEACE


Welcome everyone!

As I was thinking of my next post, something else was brewing in the back of my mind. If I could go back 15 years or so, what would I do different? As the list got longer and longer, it was certain I would have to blog about this! Maybe some younger women my age will think twice about somethings before following through thinking it will not affect their future. Truth is, sometimes it does.

So, here we go!

15 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 20 Year Old Self


 1.  Take your time. You don’t have to be in such a hurry to have everything  

      and do everything. It won’t matter in ten years anyway.

  2.  Take the time, everyday, to let your husband, and your family, know

       you love them. Sometimes you forget to tell them, stop and remember.

  3. When your brother visits you by surprise one morning to tell you he loves you,

       WAKE up completely, get out of bed and have breakfast with him.

       You’ll know when this day comes.

4.  You’re just now coming out of your shell. Don’t be so hard on your loved

     ones. Don’t hold on to the little things that bother you so tightly. It’s not worth


5.  Don’t be so stubborn and prideful. Learn to compromise, some pride is

      good, too much pride can ruin you in the end and leave you with nothing.

 6. You are beginning to learn new things about yourself and will soon grow to love the person you are.

     Hold tight to her, don’t let her get lost in the fast pace and hardships of life. Hold very, very tightly.

 7.  Remain strong in your beliefs. You don’t have to be arrogant to get your point across. In the end, it doesn’t

      matter who was right or wrong, it matters who did their best to help others. Redirect that “I have to be right”

     energy into helping others. You will get much more self satisfaction than if you are always trying to prove

     yourself right.

 8. Be very weary of so called friends. What you see on the surface, but feel in your gut, IS an honest gut feeling.

    This person is NOT your friend. Stay clear of this person and don’t let him/her come between you and Guy.

    I can’t stress this enough. You will know him when the time comes.

 9. Let your true self show and shine! Forget trying to please others. Do what you feel is right and others

     will see from your actions and know you have integrity.

10. When you start your family, don’t be so hard on your kids. Remember spanking isn’t always the solution.

       Just learn to learn from them. By the time they are a little older, you’ll regret a lot of choices you made when   

       you chose to spank. And there are no “take backs”.

 11. I KNOW how badly you want to, but DO NOT get that tattoo on your lower back with the initial “g” for

       your husband. And don’t joke about “if you ever get a divorce, you’ll just say it stands for Garth Brooks”.

      You’ll come to realize, it’s not funny. And Garth won’t be on top forever!

 12. Do not get the tattoo on your ankle…or at least let someone else do it. It will come out to look like

         something you most definitely do not want! Nothing like the “feather” you want!

 13. I know, at times, you and your mother-in-law butt heads. Don’t be so indignant of it. You know you

        love her and believe it or not, she does love you.  She tells you this…believe her. You’ll have your ups and

       downs, but NEVER let her think that you don’t love her. Always be respectful, even when disagreeing.

      It’s just not worth fighting and losing her in your life. She will not turn her back on you, although sometimes,

      you may feel that way. Assume she has other things going on, because she does. Sometimes, it has got

      nothing to do with you.  Sometimes, she just doesn’t know how to handle things. Trust in her and trust

      in the fact that no matter what, she does love you.  

14. Never ever fight in front of the kids. Ever. Always stay on top of your credit and pay your bills on time.

      You don’t want to lose that. 

15. Never doubt that Guy is your one and only love. Treat him that way. Everyday, show him.

       Each day that God gives you with him, be the wife he needs you to be. He loves you very much right now,

      don’t ever jeopardize that. You will never stop loving him. Things may change, but you will love him forever.

      He is your best friend. Don’t lose that. Don’t give him reason to ever lose respect for you.

     The way you feel right now, that you can’t live without him, you still feel 17 years later. Don’t lose that.

And one most thing to add……when your heart is broken, it WILL HEAL….don’t be scared to look at what has

changed in your life and see it for the reality it now is.


See ya soon,


Until next time…..PEACE


{August 14, 2010}   Poem “Mom”

**** UPDATE: Due to the returning success and interest in this blog site, I have decided to continue writing under this address. Please delete FindingAJ blog…..Thanks for hanging in there! AJ

 Hello everyone! Let me first start by saying thank you again for all the support with this blog!! You’ve given me so much support that I feel I have to make adjustments to the blog and have decided to move the main focus of the blog to take on other issues besides my struggles. To commence this, I have started a new blog with a new address.

One of the main reasons that I decided to make this move is due to a poem my 13 year old daughter wrote for me. I have tried to show my girls and my son how to remain strong during battles and have done my best do set a good example. The poem, which I did not ask for, makes me feel I am getting something right!

I also want to focus more on charity work and bringing some of those charities to light. More talking about others and less talking about myself. If you have a favorite charity, please let me know….I will check it out.

So, on the eve of this blog and with the journey to the next step, here is the poem from my daughter entitled “Mom”. Please share it with someone you love, and be sure to follow me to

Thanks!  AJ…..PEACE


She stands alone, both tall and true,
The perfect picture of solitude.
The soul of a woman encased in bark,
With limbs that move in a majestic arc.

She’s faced the storms of life,
The wind, rain, disease, and strife.
Others gave up,
But no, not she,

She stands there, for all to see. 

She’s had her share of troubles and woes,
But she made it through,
She still grows.

 Like her,
I know grief and pain,
I’ve faced wind, felt rain.
& Like her, I still stand tall.
Though life will beat me,
I will not fall.

In the end, I shall grow.

 Each storm increases my strength
And beneath my skin,
My soul’s to thank.

The willow and I,
We know what to do,
I’ll count on myself

To make it through.

I was never the type of girl that HAD to have a boyfriend. As a matter of fact, my longest relationship during high school lasted 3 weeks. And that was my choice. I had more important things do focus on in high school, like basketball. I wasn’t your typical high school girl. I didn’t get jealous, I didn’t throw tantrums when things didn’t go my way and I avoided your typical high school drama like the black plague. My best friends were always guys. I could trust them more in everyway. And I could relate to them so much more than most of the girls in my high school. This is not to say that I didn’t have friends that were girls. Or even a best girlfriend. I did have a very close girlfriend that I trusted and trust 100% to this day. But, in general terms, the guys out here in the country didn’t try to “steal” the guy you liked, didn’t spread rumors that were not true or just bad mouth you because they felt like it. At least, my guy friends didn’t. This is why, when I met my soon to be husband my Senior year in high school, I didn’t anticipate it would go any farther than my three week run. However, after the three weeks or so and I was ready to cut ties (this was normal for me. Due to a horrible childhood, I cut guys loose before they could hurt me) he would not let me break it off with him. He pleaded, told me how much he loved me and that he would not let me push him away. No one had ever told me this. Of course, it just scared me that much more. So after about the third time of trying to get rid of him, I realized I was already in love with him and I would have to face the inevitable and just give into it. We were married a year and a half later.

When you are nineteen and planning your future, picturing what it’s going to be like, it is the rare case indeed that the future you perceive actually becomes a reality. Especially when you are planning a future that involves marriage at such a young age. My case was no different. We did manage to have to good marriage for about sixteen years. Of course, we had ups and downs, but never considered being without the other person. For a while, I had been blessed to live out my dreams. All I ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom to my kids and wife to my husband. I know that may sound primitive, but it’s the truth. But just a few years later, I found my life turned completely upside down. My husband was walking out the door, leaving me to be a single mom to our three kids. Sure, he paid (and still pays) child support, but it takes more than child support to raise kids. The man that I had spent 16 good years with, had simply changed almost the moment he walked out the door. He became this cold, insensitive and selfish man. The type I was always so proud that he was NOT. Yet, here he was, standing in front of me being the type of man I never expected him to be. And I hated him so much for this change in his attitude…….

More to follow later 🙂 Peace……


et cetera