A Revisit to “Why”

Hey guys. I first wrote this blog in December 2011. With my recent car accident, my mother’s ongoing health issues and a few other personal issues, I needed the comfort that comes when I post this blog. If you saw it the first go around, I hope you enjoy the revisit. If you missed out on the original post; I hope you enjoy 🙂

* The Colour of Heaven By Aartist

It’s almost 5:30am. I have not been to sleep. I have tried but this blog and the words said here, would not leave my heart and mind. So, I hope it finds the person who needs to read these words as much as I needed to write them.

I asked God, “why do some judge me?”  He said “because you once judged another.’

I asked God, “why is it so difficult for me to buy my children the things they want?” God replied “do the children have what they need?”

I then asked God, “why have I suffered so?” He simply replied “It is not yet time for you to know.”

I ask God, “where were you when my brother died?”  God said, “I was right beside you. You were just not ready to see me”.

I dropped to the floor, crying from shame of things I had done throughout my life. With my head held down, I asked God, “how can you even look at me or bear to hear my name after all I’ve done wrong? How can you still love me?”

God said, “You have done many things in your life, some brought me joy, some brought me pain. A long time ago, at the beginning of time, I wrote your name down by mine. I gave you a gift and the desire to help others. In order for you to help others, your heart had to know the pain of others. I did not like seeing you in pain. You have asked for forgiveness, and I have given it. You can not buy forgiveness, it’s not to be bartered nor compromised.”

Reaching His hand out to me, He said, “Now, stand, my child, for your sins have already been paid.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

* PHOTO CURTESY OF AARTIST ; http://aartist.deviantart.com/art/The-Colour-of-Heaven-138170562

My Dog Is The Best Dog Ever

Hi all! Welcome.

As the title of this blog states, my dog, Ryoki, is the best and greatest dog EVER! Actually, she’s more of my dad’s dog.But I claim her as mine now.

And I’m going to tell you why. I think you’ll agree she is really something special.

Ryoki

The other night, I was going through some of my boxes. I moved into an add-on at my parents home last year to try to get back on my feet and get some other things in order. The longer I stay here, the more I think about what’s in those boxes and how tired I am of the items. So, every now and then, I’ll go through them and give some things away. I just gave all my plates to my niece. I picked out some pots for her and some silver wear for my mom along with just taking some
of my baking items out for use. (By the way mom, the baking items are still mine).
. . . but you can use. I love to bake.

 Anyway, I was taking some things inside the house. As usual, I had overloaded my arms and had no possible way to open the screen door. My mom’s screen door handle is broken, so it doesn’t “catch”. This is great for Ryoki because when she has to go out, she pushes the screen door ever so slightly and goes out. She hasn’t mastered knocking the door hard enough for it to bounce open wide enough so she can stick her head in to get back in . . . but she does knock when she wants back in.

Now, in the past, I have mentioned how she is the “favored sister”. And in truth, she really is. But I don’t mind, especially after what she did the other night.

There I stood outside the door, my arms so full I couldn’t even use my elbow to nudge the screen door open, saying “Someone please get the door”. I was nice at first. After all, there were six
people in the house; my three kids, their dad and both my parents, just feet away from the door. No one came to my assistance. However, I did see Ryoki standing inside the door. Again, and a little louder, I said “Can someone get the door???” Apparently, they were too busy to be bothered. Again, I see pretty little Miss Ryoki standing by the screen door. But wait, she was coming my way. Gently, she edged the door open and backed up. Dang dog. Was she teasing me? She already poops right outside my door (my door leads directly outside; she doesn’t poop in the
house). Great. Now, she’s found a new way to diss me. Which, I let her know I didn’t appreciate.

She then pushed the screen door open a little farther. Holy cow, I thought. Was she trying to open the door for me? I didn’t catch the open part quickly enough with my shoulder. So, testing the waters, I said “One more time Ryoki, I couldn’t get that one.” All the while five people were standing in the dining room; only a few feet into the house.

And, I’ll be damned. Ryoki not only opens the door, she opens it a bit wider and holds it until I catch it with my shoulder! I couldn’t believe it! I figured she was going to come outside and
that was her ultimate reason for opening the door. Yet as I nudged the screen door open, and took the one step up that led me into the house, she backs up, looks up at me wagging her tail and I swear people, she was smiling! She knew exactly what she was doing! Very impressive Ryoki!

I went around to every person in the house and bragged on her, considering they were content to ignore my pleas for someone to open the door, I felt I was justified.

As I relayed the story to my mom asked me “did she go on outside?” I proudly informed her, “No, she simply opened the door for me. Once she saw I had the door and was coming in, she backed up for me.”

How freakin’ genius is my dog?! And I thought she didn’t even like me, considering you know, the pooping outside my door and all. I think I can truly say she is my sister now with pride . . . after all, she still is a dog.

Until
next time . . .

  A.J.

Has It Been 12 Years Already?

As I sit here getting everything prepared for my daughter’s high school graduation today, I can not help but think about the little girl she was. As a matter of fact, I have a picture of her taken by her pre-school teacher so many years ago. I have always kept this particular photo on my refrigerator. It’s one of those pictures of her that I just love. You know the photo I mean; we
all have that one special photo that for whatever reason, hits us in a special way.

 As I look at the photo of my then, preschooler, I think back to the events surrounding the day I was given the photo. It was near the end of her preschool year. She is standing there, with her special “all-happy” smile on her beautiful face, wearing one of the dresses I made her. The dress is covered with different colored flowers. There had been another kid standing with her until she made me cut the kid out of the picture because the kid was mean and she didn’t like him. I remember how stubborn she has always been. She has such a strong personality. As a matter of fact, when she was three years old, she was so angry with the fact she could not read like her older cousin did. I explained to her that you had to actually learn how to spell the words in order
to read them. It didn’t come automatically as she thought everything should. She wanted to know how to read. She wanted to learn how to spell so I started giving her spelling tests. We would study the words throughout the week, and on Friday’s, she would test. People,
this was her idea. I didn’t force her. So don’t be all “mommy dearest” on me.

It wasn’t long before she was reading small books. Once she proved she could read, she was satisfied. It amazed me how easily she picked up each new word. It shouldn’t have, considering she started talking when she was a little shy of four months old. I’ll never forget when we were at her six month check up. The doctor offered her the “tongue presser-downer” thingy (don’t mock me, you don’t know the technical term for them either!) to her. April took it, and promptly told the doctor “thank you”. I will never, in my life, forget the look on the doctor’s face. She did a double take, looked at my baby, who was already playing with the thing, then turned to me and my mother for verification. “Did she just say thank you?” With all of my vast knowledge which came with my twenty-three years (yea, not near as much as I thought) I looked at the
pediatrician and with confusion in my eyes, answered “yes”. I couldn’t figure out why she was so surprised. This was just two words of my daughter’s vocabulary. She says many things. She sings even. She started walking when she was just shy of seven months. What was the big deal? Little did I realize how naïve I really was; I was so stupid.

It was so difficult to let her go off to pre-school. She is my oldest and has a vivid imagination. Even my two younger children went through withdrawals not having her there. She definitely kept our days filled with things to do. Even now, at 18, she can open a big ole can of worms and turn it into an all day conversation or debate, whichever way she what she chooses it to go.

Yet, it’s this spirit that lives inside her, that has made her the person . . . dare I say, the woman, she is today. She is full of life, love and conviction for what she believes is right. And she is not afraid to stand up for her beliefs.

I know as she walks tonight, as she receives her diploma, and takes those first steps towards her adult life, she does so with a strong belief and determination to make this world a better place. And I know, with all that is within me, that she will make a difference in our world. As she does, I hope she’ll forgive the tears I know will be falling down my cheeks. And I hope she knows I could not be any prouder than I am at this moment . . . tears and all.

Until  next time……Peace

A.J.

You Are Mine

Hi everyone! Welcome back. I know, it’s been too long.

Most of you know my niece. I’ve talked about her. I’ve shown a picture here and there. She’s just  so adorable . . . everyone agrees. Well, I’m going to show you a little window into that baby’s world; as she sees it.

 

I’m going to call her Sasha. I’m not sure if her mom would want me to mention her name or not . . . plus, Sasha is a cool name. I could so be a Sasha.

Let me tell you a few things about her. She’s two years old. She has beautiful blonde hair, hazel eyes and a “conquer the world” attitude. Her mom is working with her on her colors. Girl doesn’t know them all . . . but dammit, she will ask for her “purple paci”. Purple, she knows.

My oldest daughter has gotten Sasha hooked on a group called Alice Nine specifically, the lead singer Shou. Or as Sasha calls
him, Sho-Sho. She is very adamant about her feelings for him. “Sho-Sho” is . . . and I quote, “hers”. End of story. You just have to understand this one thing; don’t mess with Sho-Sho. It doesn’t matter what she is doing, when she hears the group’s music, she pops up and goes into a daze watching them. Sort of like me when I hear Charlie Daniels.

She recently enlisted my daughters help in writing him a letter. Basically, saying general things “hi, what are you doing? I have a paci” you know, really important things. Alas, before the letter is finished, she had her own things to tell him . . . some of it she told us, some she kept as a secret. People, remember she’s two. I thought I’d share the letter with you. It sort of takes me back do the second grade and the “check yes or no” letters. Sasha’s letter is a bit more . . . well, let’s just say she doesn’t give the option of using the “check box”.

Dear Sho-Sho,

 

I like my paci.

Where are you? 

I love you.

 

You are mine.

 

Sasha

Ahhh . . . to be young again.

Until next time……Peace

A.J.

My Daughter Out Ranks Me

Most of my readers are aware I am in the process of completing a book called “Confessions 2 AJ”. Several of you have participated, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It will not be long before I have enough material to submit the manuscript for publication!

If you have already submitted a “confession” please, feel free to submit as many as you like! The more, the better the book will be.

For those of you that have chosen not to participate at this time, you still have time to change your minds! As I have promised you before, all names will be held under privacy protection. As a matter of fact, I will not be publishing names; even when asked to do so. And, I have been asked to include names by some people for their confession.

Anyway, my 14 year old daughter. . . where do I start? Although, she has her own way of doing things, she is sort of a mini me. She looks like me. Especially, when she was small.  She is athletic just as I was growing up (and still am). Even down to the way she runs; just like I did. My mom once asked me, when I was young, “why do you run like that?” Not sure what she meant by that, but I’m sure it was not a compliment. She likes most of the same . . . well, she loves Christian Kane. Need I say more?

My daughter approx. 3 yrs old

Me approx. 2 1/2 yrs old

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to say, publically, to her: thank you for being my biggest supporter! I love you dearly and I am so thankful you find humor in your mom’s oh so warped mind!

Now down to business. My daughter is so very talented. She also writes. She is much more talented than I am because not only does she write stories, she has the ability to write poems, songs, even rap songs. Some  of her work, I have posted early in my blogs. The first one I posted, she wrote at age eleven. You should check it out, very poignant. It’s called “The Unknown” posted on July 22, 2010.

She is writing a book. Did I say she was 14?! There is a site for teens where they can go and share their stories with other teens. And yes, I read them as well; I keep a tight reign on what sites they visit.  

I am 40 years old. I have some fans/friends. I hate saying “I have fans…” It sounds arrogant to me. But, my daughter has fans. WHAT? Yep, you heard, well, read me right. She has fans. Fans that ask her to read their work and give feedback. Fans that say, “When are you posting another chapter?” She will post at least one chapter at a time. They tell her how much they love “so and so” and how they can’t wait to see if “so and so” will get together with “whoever”. They have actually fallen in love with her story and the characters she has invented. How cool is that!

I knew she was talented and had the ability to be a great writer. What I didn’t fully understand, is she would be implementing that ability this early in her life. I am extremely proud of her and would be, no matter what she chose to do. However, it is incredibly amazing to see her realize this particular talent and actually chose to use it. Can you imagine what she will be able to accomplish? And so much earlier than I have or will. As wonderful as all this is I must admit I will forever see her as the wonderful happy baby shown below. Always the peace maker, she was.

 

I fully expect to, one day, be out ranked by her in the writing world. And you know what? I am just fine with that.

Until next time……Peace

AJ